Ordeals of Life
by tyrant013
Summary: warning: eating disorders and cutting. We all know life is difficult. Most of us either get through it or cope. But for Cam, these might be impossible.
1. Cam's Secret

A/N: Hi, this is Jeremy. The topic of this story deals with the topic of eating disorders. I am a former anorexic and bulimic. I still remember vividly how I felt and how I sometimes go back to my starving techniques. I am writing this story to get a message across that men can have problems too and how we can deal with problems, good or bad. Hope you review my story so I can get the nerve to continue. Also, I hope this story helps someone in someway.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter One: Cam's Secret

Cam got out of his chair, finishing his usual nightly check-up of the zords. It was around 11:00 p.m. when he finished. It wasn't unusual for him to stay up this late. However, he was beginning to feel the energy drain out of him.

'After wishing for a long time to be a ranger, I finally got to be one. However, I didn't think that it would take up more of my free time. Oh hell, I usually don't do anything with it.' Currently Shane, Dustin, Tori, Blake, and Hunter were trying to convince him to let Cyber Cam do the work like he was created for so that Cam could hang with them. The rangers were trying so hard to make him more social and to get him outside in the fresh air once in a while..

After turning off his computer, Cam walked down the lonely hallway to his bedroom, tip-toeing so as to not wake Blake and Hunter up who had moved in for the time being. Silently opening his closet, he got out his green hooded sweater and put on, ready to go outside in the cold weather. Cam liked to travel out of Ops at night to go to the forests. He usually didn't do these trips a lot, but lately Cam had been going on them more frequently. He found that going to the forest really relaxed him. Everyone but Cam would have thought that all he did was walk around sorting through his emotions.

'But they don't know. Of course, the fresh air is really calming, but I can think of something more pleasurable and relaxing. I just hope that the team doesn't find out about it. They would never hang out with me if they found out that...' "Cam.?"

The green ranger was startled out of his mind by Blake. Apparently, Cam wasn't as quiet as he should have been. He began to sweat. He had hoped that no one would hear him go. 'Wait, what is there to worry about? He doesn't know anything about my 'sessions'. I'll just tell him I am going out for a late night walk. Nothing to suspect there.'

"Yeah, Blake?" Cam responded.

"Where are you going? I can always hear you go outside. What do you do? You don't come back for hours. It seems you have been doing that a lot. Something on your mind?" Blake asked with what appeared to be genuine concern.

"No. There is nothing to worry about. I usually go out on late night walks. It really relaxes me.

"You can do that in the daytime, Cam. Why not then?"

Cam had to think of a reason quick. Being a genius, he came up with a plausible one. "I like the night air. It is very cool and relaxing. During the day, it is very hot and noisy to me. Besides, isn't it always you who tells me to get fresh air?" Cam asked sarcastically in his usual manner.

"Well yeah, but I was thinking more of hanging outside with us. Me and the guys hate to see you cooped up in here. We are just thinking of you."

"Well, don't worry Blake. I promise to be more social. Besides, the only reason I am 'cooped up' in Ninja Ops is because I have to check the computer, zord, and upgrading systems to make them run smoothly. It is an important job, you know." Cam said defensively.

"Cam, I though that was the reason that Cyber Cam was created. With him around, you have more free time. Why don't you hang out with Hunter and me sometimes?" The thunders have been trying to fit Cam into their group. Maybe it was because they still felt guilty about trying to murder his dad, or maybe they just felt sorry for him and wanted to help out. "The guys and I never found out the reason that you still work instead of handing it over to your twin."

"Maybe it is because I just want to be useful." Cam whispered to himself.

"What was that?" Blake asked.

"Nothing. I am just saying that I still don't quite trust him after the 'tying me up in the closet and masquerading as me' incident. But don't worry. I'll eventually hand the job over to him, and I promise to be more social with you guys, alright?"

Cam asked, hoping that it would finally convince Blake.

He thought over what Cam said and responded, "All right. At least you promised me. Just remember, the gang and I are just trying to look out for you. Good night," Blake said as he hurried back to his bedroom.

Cam breathed a sigh of relief as he saw the navy ranger disappear to his bedroom and shut the door. 'I thought he would never leave.'

Putting the hood of his sweater over his head, Cam exited Ninja Ops and went on one of his 'walks'. He walked into the forest, gazing up at the sky. He continued walking around for about a half an hour thinking things over in his head.

'God, how did I get stuck with a life like this. When I was growing up, I had no clue that my existence would be a lonely one. I practically had no friends growing up, my mom died when I was young, and my father is a guinea pig. I didn't know life could really suck.'

Cam really had a lonely life. While growing up, he was always the outcast. People would either ignore him or make fun of him. His mom died when he was just a young boy, so he never really had an idea what it would be like to be held and loved in someone's arms. Of course he had his dad, but he was always busy with the students of the academy. Kanoi always felt like a Sensei to Cam, more than a father. He stopped at a big tree which had towering branches over his head. He sat down and decided to relax for a little bit. Within the quietness of the forest, his mind took a flashback to the past.

Cam was in the cafeteria at Blue Bay High. He was sitting with some of his very few friends. Occasionally, people would pass by and snicker at the 'geek table.' On this particular day, the guys sitting at the jock table started to walk over. Oh, how Cam envied to be one of them. He was tired of people making fun of him for being a geek with few friends. For once, he wondered what it was like to be at the top of the school food chain.

The jocks finally reached the table and sat down with them. By this time, the whole cafeteria was staring at them. It wasn't normal for the popular kids to hang out with such loners. Everyone spied on them as the jocks started the conversation.

"Hey, do you mind if we sit here for lunch?"

"Um, yeah you can sit here. I mean if you want to." Cam said nervously.

"Of course we want to, why would we ask if we didn't?" Michael, the best football player of the district asked.

At first, everything seemed normal. Everyone at the table seemed to be having a pleasant conversation. All of the cafeteria couldn't help but watch because they knew something was going to happen.

All of a sudden, the jocks took Cam and his friends' lunches and started to throw it at them. The guys tried to run, but half of the group was captured by the football players and held in place. The rest of the players began to ram food in the geeks' mouth.

"Why are you doing this?" Cam asked out loud to Michael.

"Come on, it is just fun. Besides, I can't believe that you would actually believe that we would hang out with such slime like you." Michael began to get to aggressive and started to beat Cam up. The aides, who were a while held back by the surrounding crowd, finally were able to get through and took Michael and his gang away. Cam couldn't help but cry. The worst part was that none of the students felt sorry for him. The only thing he could remember of them was them pointing their fingers and calling him things like "Geek, loner," and some remarks too horrible and nasty to mention.

Cam began to cry as he leaned back against a tree. He realized that his life really didn't change since then. He was still alone, and still depressed. Of course, his father didn't know he still felt this way. 'He probably would just say to get over it since he had made friends with the rangers.' He still thought, even with the rangers around, that he wasn't worth anything and that maybe they just all felt sorry for him.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Cam called out. "WHY CAN'T ANYTHING IN MY LIFE GO RIGHT! AM I MEANT TO BE ALONE LIKE THIS! IF I AM, I'D RATHER NOT LIVE AT ALL!" After this, Cam collapsed to the ground and cried for hours like he was a little baby. It was the only thing he could do at this moment. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up.

After several hours, Cam decided he better head back before anyone worries about him. He slowly got up and was just about to head back when, 'Oops, almost forgot.'

He put one of his hands and put it on the tree for support. Slowly, Cam started to lift his finger of his other hand. He thought about all the pain he felt inside, his stomach starting to hurt from it. He just wanted to escape the emotional suffering he had his whole life. He started to put the finger in his mouth and down his throat. Very quickly, Cam started to gag and spit, but he didn't stop. He couldn't, and he didn't want to. Pushing his finger farther down his throat, he began to feel the burning inside and the bile beginning to work its way up. The burning reached its peak and the bile kept rising, and rising, and rising. And finally, when Cam felt he couldn't take it anymore, he began vomiting. Even though it hurt so much, Cam felt at ease. It was as if all of his troubles were going out like his dinner was right now. After a couple of minutes, he was finished.

Cam began to walk back to Ops slowly after the excruciating yet calming 'session.' 'I feel great. All my troubles are gone for now. Who cares if people say that this is a disease. They obviously don't know what it is like to be lonely. Well, no one has to know. As long as no one finds out about this, I know that I will be okay.'

Little did Cam know, that he was very, very wrong.

A/N: Well, that is it for chapter one. Hope you guys review my story.

Jeremy


	2. Several Differences

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Two: Several Differences

"Tori, don't you think that you are trying just a little too hard?"

"I don't happen to think like that Blake? Is it a crime to try to include Cam in the outside world?"

Blake and Tori were talking right outside of the Storm Chargers store. The topic of this particular discussion was Cam. It had been a week since Blake talked to Cam before he went on one of his night strolls, and he had not kept his promise about being more social. If they didn't know better, they would have sworn that Cam was more isolated than before. The rest of the guys were just about ready to give up hope, but Tori refused.

"I'm not saying it's a crime, but you have to admit, getting Cam outside is like prying teeth from him. I know you are trying your best, but maybe Cam is right, he's an introvert."

"Listen Blake, everyone has some desire in their heart to just go out and hang with real friends once in a while. There was once this library nutcase at my elementary school who never went out during recess time. All he said was that he hated being around a people and was an introvert, just like what Cam said. However, I refused to give up and once asked him to play kickball with me. Before you know it, recess was the only thing on his mind," Tori said with a look of proud victory on her face.

Blake rambled on, "Well, this isn't elementary school anymore. Cam is a grown person. Maybe, just maybe, being alone is now a part of him. Maybe, after years of being an introvert, he's stuck being that."

"I refuse to believe it. You'll see, Blake. I helped someone once, and I can do it again."

"Alright, it's your decision Tori," Blake said as he started to walk away. "However, don't expect a miracle. He is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met." On that final word, Blake disappeared on his way back to Ninja Ops to see Hunter.

Tori looked ahead for a couple of seconds before thinking, 'It's not just that I want Cam to be more involved, it is because I'm starting to worry about him. I can't quite place my finger on it, but I feel like there is something seriously wrong with Cam. There is something about him that was different than before. I know I'm probably just paranoid, but I could have sworn that every time I looked into his eyes, I couldn't see anything good. It was as if it was dull, cold, and full of pain, the same kind of eyes that Melissa had before..."

Tori stopped abruptly. She didn't want to back to the past. That part of her life was still painful to bear. Tori tried to wipe the tears that were beginning to fall from her eyes.

"Get a hold of yourself Tori. I need to get past this. After all, it was a while ago. Besides, that can't be what's happening. I know Cam. He would never do something like this."

Tori headed inside Storm Chargers to talk with Dustin and Shane. She made a vow to get Cam involved, not just for kindness, but because of a promise made in the past.

'I can't fail Cam like I did Melissa," Tori said, this time unable to stop her tears from flowing. 'Sometimes I wonder, what could I've done differently to have saved her. People said I tried to hard, but obviously it wasn't enough. I don't want this to happen to anyone again. But then again, it's not like Cam would ever to something like that. At least........I hope not.'

Hunter watched Cam practice some his moves down in the training room. Hunter pretty much deduced that Cam was the best fighter out of the entire team. The other rangers movements were so abrupt and rigid, while the samurai's was agile and graceful, yet it also was the most forceful. However, he began to notice some things that were different.

'Lately, Cam seems to be different in his techniques. Not just in training, but also when we have been fighting Lothor's monsters. He's slipping in his training. I can see it. It is as if his energy is draining. I can also see circles under his eyes. I know that Cam is not the type to sleep a lot, but even then, he at least looked lively. What's going on with him?'

"Hunter, are you alright?" Cam asked. "You're usually not the type to be actually thinking."

"I'm alright. It is just something I have been noticing lately."

"Is it something I can help with?" Hunter thought about his response a little bit. He knew that something was going on with Cam, but should he ask him about it? It could be absolutely nothing at all, and yet, it also could be something seriously wrong. In the end, he decided that the only way to find out what was going on with Cam was to ask him himself.

"Actually, it might be. I want to know. Are you okay, Cam? I mean, is there anything wrong you want us to know about?" Cam looked confused. This wasn't what he was expecting.

"I don't get what you mean by that." "I mean, are you feeling okay? Has anything happened lately?"

"Nothing that I know about. Everything is the same. Why did you ask me that?" Cam asked with a sort of suspicion and shock in his voice.

"Forget it. It is probably nothing. It's just that, you seem very tired lately. You have dark circles under your eyes which I think the team has noticed now, and when you fight and train, it is as if you have no energy.

"Listen, with being a ranger and running Ninja Ops being both of my duties, I just don't have time left to get good enough sleep." So, why don't you let Cyber Cam run Ninja Ops? I thought that was the main reason you made him in the first place." "I already told your brother that I still don't fully trust him with this kind of responsibility." "And you think that you can run Ninja Ops in the state your in?" "I don't have a state. It is just lack of sleep that makes me like this. Just don't worry, alright. I plan to make my twin take control, I'll get some rest, and then I can hang out with you and Blake and the others."

At first, Hunter didn't take him seriously. Cam promised to be social to the entire team, and he had yet to fulfill his promise. Then again, he knew Cam, and he knew that he wasn't one to go back on his word. So he decided to still lay his trust in him.

"Alright, just promise me you'll at least take a nap today. A ranger with no energy is useless." At that moment, Blake entered the room. The brothers were going to go with the winds to eat out. All of them wanted to invite the green samurai, as they wanted to do for almost the past month.

"So, the rest of us are going to go out to this fancy restaurant to celebrate the school break. Do you want to come with us?" However, he didn't need to wonder what Cam's reactions would be.

"I am sorry, but I need to upgrade your zords, and then I am going to go take a nap like Hunter made me promise."

"You made him promise to take a nap?" Blake said jokingly.

"Of course, look at him. He needs a week's worth of naps."

"You are probably right. He does look sickly."

"Guys, do you realize that I am physically right here in your presence, capable of hearing everything you said?"

Blake and Hunter laughed uncontrollably at Cam's usual sarcastic remark. At least they know that Cam was alright. After a few more words, Blake and Hunter went to Storm Chargers to meet the other three rangers.

Cam smiled back at the Thunders until they left, where his facial expression immediately changed to a frown.

'Damn it. I knew that somebody would start to suspect something. I just didn't knew it would be Hunter. Well, no matter. They still don't know anything. Good thing I could get off. The last place I need to go is a restaurant. However, I need to make sure that I seem normal. I'll just need to be more discreet. I can't believe it. They act all worried about me, but they still poke a little fun. I know that with any other person, they would laugh along with it, but right at the moment, I am nowhere near the mood for it. Some friends they are. Wait, I don't think they were friends to begin with. But hell, I don't need them. I don't need anyone!!!"

After his internal outburst, Cam went back to train. 'Hunter was right. I don't usually get tired this soon.' Cam started to do a drop kick went the world started to spin. 'What is going on? I am so tired and my head is throbbing. I better stop before I pass out.'

Cam came to rest near his computer, catching his breath. Maybe he could train a little better after he slept a little bit.

"I don't want to sleep yet. What can I do to pass the time up."

Cam thought about it. Right now, there was nothing to do. And when one of those times came up, all he could do was think about the bad times he had growing up. Also, his mind went to the other five rangers. He wanted so badly to hang with them, but even if he did none of them would truly accept him like they did with the others. They would always be tight, and he would yet again be the outsider. With all these thoughts, Cam slowly started to break down. One tear started to fall from the other, until it became a waterfall. "God, I just want to be truly liked and loved. Is that really so hard to ask? Why does the cruel world have to be extremely cruel? And why is it only like that to me? Will I ever have real friends, will I ever have a real family, or am I doomed to stay like this forever?"

Pretty soon, Cam couldn't stand the pain. He hated drowning in sorrow with no one there to save him but himself. After a while, since his father was outside meditating and everyone else left him to go eat, he decided to get rid of the pain the best way he knew how. He walked down through the hallway, to his bedroom, then to his bathroom, turned on the shower and sinks to stifle noises from the outside, went to the toilet, prepared his finger, and went on helping and disciplining himself with one of his counseling 'sessions.'


	3. A Plan

A/N: I am so sorry that it took me this long to update my story. I've been busy with school and my life is very hectic right now. I have also been so busy with school and everything. I'll tell you, writing this is bringing back memories I which I'd forget. It took me a lot of nerve to start writing this. I have to thank CamFan4ever. She really helped me along and got me started. Anyways, on to the story.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Three: A Plan

The winds and thunders sat in a group circle at Storm Chargers. All of them were extremely deep in thought. It seems that the rangers did only that nowadays. Every single one was very concerned. Of course, it didn't take a brain surgeon for them to figure out what was bothering them all. It was Cam. They tried their best to convince themselves that the samurai was a person that had a deep control over things, but lately it seemed like what was happening was far from it.

Dustin: "Guys, what are we going to do? I know something is seriously wrong with Cam. Call it a sixth sense if you will, but I know that Cam is hiding something. Shane, do you know anything to help us?"

Shane: "If you're talking about any information, no I don't. I'm just as clueless as the rest of you guys."

Dustin: "In all honesty, I'm not surprised that Cam has issues. I mean let's face it, he's a person who says he likes to be alone. Have any of you considered that the reason that he is so uncomfortable being around people is that no one wants be around him?"

Tori: "How could you say that Dustin?! You're saying you're trying to help us and you go off and say something like that!"

Shane: "Calm down, Tori. Listen, I know it may seem rude, but we have to consider all options as to find out what the hell is going on with our friend."

Hunter: "Still, I don't think he had to put it that bluntly." Everyone just stared at him for a few seconds. This statement was weird coming from the king of brooding. However, it seems like when it comes to friends, he's just as emotional as the rest.

Dustin: "Look at the facts. He always spends time down in Ops, the students at the academy never really talked much about him, and when we ask him what his school friends were like he changes the subject. He probably didn't have that many friends, which is why he spends time by himself. I personally think this is the cause of the issue."

Blake: "So what are you saying? You saying that whatever problems Cam has he brought on himself?! I can't believe that you would think that!"

Shane: "Listen, Dustin isn't trying to be the bad guy. He's Cam's friend, just like we all our. So, instead of attacking one another, why don't we stick together and find out what's going on?" This statement calmed everyone down. That came of no surprise. Whenever there was tension in the ranks, Shane was always there to lessen it. With a quick mutter of apologies from everyone, they quieted down and once again began to rummage through their heads as to what to do. Shane and Dustin realized that the Thunder brothers and Tori always teamed together against them as to what was best for Cam. But then again, that was to be expected.

Blake, Hunter, and Tori were the ones that were taking it the hardest. Even though Shane and Dustin did care about the wellbeing of all the rangers, both of them never really got to bond with Cam like Tori and the thunders. Everyone knew Blake and Hunter's reasons. When they first joined the team, they were almost just as introverted as the samurai. Both were full of shy, unnecessary, and mostly guilty attitude. Everyone tried so hard to make them feel that they were one of them; however, it just didn't register to them. Cam was the one who showed the most effort in becoming their friend. Every time they considered going away, Cam was always there to listen, to help, to comfort, and to persuade, even if they didn't want him to. The winds tried to do all of these things, but it didn't have the same effect when the samurai did it. Blake and Hunter understood that the reason that they took his advice was because in some ways, they were alike. All three of them were without family in some way, all of them were somewhat alone, and all of them had this uneasy feeling that they didn't belong. After they joined, Blake and Hunter kind of make Cam a third Bradley. They always felt that Cam was their family and they knew that they would always be there to help family.

Tori's reasons still remained a mystery. Practically all that she thought about was how the samurai was doing. She kept constantly reminding everyone to watch and check up on him. They all thought that they might as well hand-cuff themselves together if Tori wanted to check up that much. Everyone, preferably Blake, kept trying to calm her and find out why she was taking this very seriously. However, none of them have succeeded.

Tori: "Guys, the only way to help Cam is to get him to spend enough time with us. Listen, you all know how persistent he was with Blake and Hunter. No matter if you guys didn't want help, he helped you. That is what were going to have to do. Dustin, didn't you say that you wanted to take another camping trip with us?"

Dustin: "Yes, but I don't... oh, now I see. Hey, if we can get Cam to accompany us, we might be able to find out what's going on with him. However, you do know that he probably will decide not to go."

Blake: "I'll just talk to Sensei. He agrees with us that Cam needs to be more social. He'll probably find a clever way into making Cam come along with us. That should leave no problem."

Shane: "Cam is going to get very pissed when he finds out what we did."

Tori: "Who says he has to find out exactly what we did. Besides, if he finds out, who cares. We're his friends. We know what's best for him."

Hunter: "I hope you're right. Well, it should work. I mean, Cam is one of the strongest people I know. How much trouble could he be in?"

* * *

Cam lied still on his bathroom floor. He couldn't stop as the tears began to flow freely down his face. He never bothered to wipe them away when he was alone. In a way, it showed how miserable his life was to him. He had been vomiting all that day, and now he didn't have the energy to even lift his head as the room began to circle around him. This began to happen more frequently. He knew that the effects would go away soon, but the pain and burning in his throat was so excruciating he couldn't help but silently yell to himself.

Cam used the strength he had to pull himself off of the ground. The second he got up, he regretted as the room spun for a few minutes. After the dizziness had passed, the samurai slowly turned around and looked into the mirror.

Normal people would see a guy who looked sick. He had a sore throat, flushed face, a drunken expression, and weakening energy. Cam also had a bunch of bruises on his arm. He didn't know how he got those. Even Lothor's goons weren't that strong enough to cause those bruises. So the only conclusion he could come to was through his training. Every day, his workouts seemed to be getting harder and harder to complete for some reason. These bruises just added to the sick drunk look.

However, Cam saw more than that. What he saw when he looked in the mirror was sheer ugliness. Every time he saw his reflection, he saw its past of pain, depression, and uselessness. That's how he always felt when he was around Shane and the rest. He also saw the perfect example of the worst life you could have. All these thoughts heated up emotions inside of him that seemed to never go away. The small droplets of tears quickly became a waterfall as Cam tried to stop it to no avail.

Cam: "Oh, I hate you! Why don't you just go away?! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY?!!" Cam raised his hand in the effort to hit the mirror. However, he couldn't bring himself to do it and instead hit it against the counter. He raised his now bruised hand to his lips and screamed into it.

Cam once again fell to the floor, but this time instead of weakness, it was because of bitter agony and defeat. Cam laid on his back, constantly kissing his hurt hand as the never-ending flow of tears dropped heavier. Each wound he got only added to the wounds deep within his heart.

"Oh God...w...why am I...like this?" Cam said trying to gasp for air. "What have I...I done...to deserve this? Cam slowly looked down at his bruised arms and weak body and screamed a cry for help. "What i...is wrong wi...with...me? Why won't anybody help me?"

Pretty soon, there was no more tears capable of being shed as Cam just lied on the floor. The symptoms were starting to cease and he was starting to get up, but not before silently saying to himself, "I know something's wrong with me. I just don't know what. However, I do know that I want someone to help me. Oh please, someone help me."

A/N: This chapter made me start crying. I hate it when I get like this. I still plan to continue this story as a way of letting my feelings out. Please review this and tell me what you think.


	4. Deep Thoughts

A/N: Hey, I know that this is particularly to update. However, I am updating now so I can make up for the laziness I have been having. I didn't mean to take so long. Anyways, on to the story.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter 4: Deep Thoughts

Shane walked through the hidden passageway leading to the academy, or what was left of it since Lothor's attack. He began to dawdle so as to give himself time to think over about what he was going to ask Sensei.

'He probably wouldn't go for it. I mean, he is his son after all. There's no way that he is going to force him into anything he doesn't wants to do. I'll just have to put up a good enough fight. If I don't, Tori is going to kill me. What _is _her problem anyway? She's changed somehow. She used to be so care free. Her only biggest worry then was what she was going to wear for Blake. I have to admit, she was annoying then, but at least I wasn't worrying about her so much. Now, the thing on her mind is always Cam and the supposedly "gigantic issue" he has. As to what that is, I don't know. However, Tori believes that something serious is going on, and says that she won't stop until she knows he's going to be okay. Whatever that means. I just want to know two things. 1) Why is Tori overreacting over this, and 2) just want is going on with Cam?'

* * *

Sensei finished his daily meditation of the day with crushed hopes. Something was really bothering him. It was his only son. He had very good Ninja sense, and could tell that something was going on. Problem was, he couldn't tell what or how serious it was. This was just one of the moments when he hated being a guinea pig. Then again, what kind of person in their right mind would ever want to be a rodent, much less a guinea pig.

'I know that I'm not supposed to have emotions break me from my concentration. However, I think that when it comes to family, there are exceptions. Family. A unit that stays together and helps each other overcome obstacles. I shouldn't doubt myself, but I sometimes wonder if I can actually do that. Every time I see Cam, my only son, whom I love so much, come out of a battle hurt, I am ready to run out and throw my arms around him and never let go. But then, reality sets in and I am forced to realize that I'm just a guinea pig. A guinea pig, something that Cam doesn't need right not. What he needs is a father, someone to love him, someone to talk to him, and someone to ease his pain. I wish I was human again, then I could do all that.'

However, another reality set in as Kanoi silently began to cry. 'Actually, that's probably not true. Even as a human, I never had time for him. I always put the students before him, and I don't know if I can forgive myself for doing that for so long. I'm not so sure if I even comforted Cam as much as I should have when my beloved wife died. I always had to carry on with the trainings. A brief ceremony in her memory, and then back to a normal life. I should have known that life was never going to be the same without her. Oh god, how I loved her so much. Because of this, Cam was forced to grow up too fast. I could see it in his eyes. Oh, I would give anything to just see him have a true smile once again, to hold him in my arms like I should, and to tuck him in at night.'

"Sensei, can I talk to you for a second?"

He snapped out of his train of thought, and turned around to speak. Lucky for him, humans can barely tell emotions when you are a guinea pig. "Is something wrong, Shane? "No, nothing's wrong. At least I hope not." "What is it?" Kanoi asked, worry coursing through his veins. "Is it about Cam?" "Yes, but I don't think it's serious. The guys and I are worried that Cam might be feeling lonely."

"Well, my son did say that he was a person who got strength from being alone." Shane went on, "I know, it's just that Tori thinks that he actually yearns to be around people, except that me won't admit it." Sensei thought this through. He knew something was wrong, and what the red ranger said was perfectly plausible with a person like his son, even if he didn't want to think about his son ever being lonely. "Do you have anything to support this?" Shane was stunned. No comments on how Cam was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, nor how we were probably overreacting. "You believe us?" "Is there a reason why I shouldn't?"

"No, it's just that you think highly of your son and how he can take care of himself." "Shane, I know that no one can take care of themselves all the time. Besides, Cam's my son, and I care for him. Anyhow, do you have anything to support your theory?" Shane went, "Nothing except for Tori's sixth sense, and I'm not going to deny her instincts. Out of the entire team, she's the one who knows a lot about people. Dustin is planning a camping trip out in the woods this weekend, and we were hoping if you could make Cam go with us so we could help him out."

Sensei looked at the ranger strangely, well as strange as a rodents could look at a human beings "What do you mean make?" Shane though of his words carefully for a few minutes before speaking. "Listen, I know that it seems harsh to force people into things, much less it being your son. However, you have to admit that making Cam social is almost like trying to raise the dead back to life. I know that he's gonna come up with an excuse like having to check up on the zords. I just thought that if you make him come, we can finally attack whatever is going on with him. So......will you do it?"

Sensei Watanabe considered what he said. He hated to admit it, but Cam was probably the most stubborn person on the planet. For some reason, he knew that what Shane was saying was write. He didn't want to force Cam into anything, however the opportunity of finding out what was going on with him and the chance to help overruled any sense of judgment.

"Listen, I love my son, and I want to help him. If this is the way you came up with to help him, you have my full support. I'll come up with a way to make him go with you and the rest on the trip."

Shane was at a loss of words. He was definitely not expecting this. However, he wasted no time. "Thank you, Sensei. All right, all I have to do is make sure the guys are ready for the trip and then will get Cam to come along. Thank you." With a full smile, Shane rushed off to tell the news to his friends. Kanoi watched him go and within said, "Finally, a chance to help my son, like I should have a long time ago."

* * *

It was nighttime, and Cam laid on his back in his bed, just looking at the dark and uninteresting ceiling. 'God, I knew I wasn't much of a sleeping person but this is ridiculous.' Cam had been having trouble going to sleep. Not just the once in a while insomnia case, but a case that has been happening all week. His throat was still burning, the bruises on his body ached, and now he had insomnia. 'What the hell is wrong with me?!' Cam thought to himself.

He knew that something was wrong. He didn't know what it was though. Correction, he knew what was causing it. He couldn't even say what the thing was to himself. 'Maybe I should tell my friends what I've been doing.' However, another voice rose within him, 'No, I can't. If I do they'll think I'm a freak. Wait, why would they think that? They're my friends. Yeah, friends who leave me here while they go out and have fun. That's my fault actually. If I just asked them if I could go with them they would've said yes. How do I know that? For all I know, they could hate my guts. Wait, that can't be true. UGH!!!!!' It seems Cam recently knew about this second voice, the voice that contradicted everything the other said, at least about his feelings for his family and friends.

Cam thought about this. What family was there to think of? His mother was dead and never coming back, and his father was a guinea pig who noticed the team, not his own son. And friends? Blake and Hunter had each other to take care of, and Shane, Dustin, and Tori were the best of friends. Where did he fit in? The lonely computer geek who sits up at night thinking about what his life amounted to, nothing.

All this was too much for Cam. Tears slid down his face as he though of everything in his pathetic existence. 'I think that I should have never been born. The feeling of having no feeling is definitely better than how I'm feeling. What true family and friends did I have? Sensei is always busy with team.' Cam thought, not even noticing how he didn't call him his father then. 'Let's face it, if it was one of the others that was his child, he would proudly shout it from the rooftops. Everyone was good at everything. Tori had surfing, the thunders and Dustin had motocrossing, and Shane had skateboarding. What skill do I have, if you count driving people away and making yourself sick a skill. Wait, that is a skill. No matter how much I hurt myself, I always was able to get through it. Why didn't I realize that? I had the strength to keep going after this. That's a skill right their strength.'

'You call hurting yourself, getting past it, and only to do it again strength? Man, I really am pathetic.' Cam though this through, realizing it's truth, and gave a cry within himself, one that no one would hear, and thus, one that no one would give comfort to. He silently sobbed into his blanket, once again wishing for the millionth time that he was never here.

'I think it's time for another session,' said one voice. 'Doing this again isn't going to help. Yes it will. No it won't. Yes. No. Yes. No' Cam thought out as he combated himself as to what to do. 'It will make you feel better. At least you know you have the strength and courage to do it. That's what you need, strength.' Cam stayed still for a few minutes before he got out of bed. He went into his bathroom, closed and locked the door, turned on all the sinks as to not let Hunter and Blake hear him where they were staying, looked at his reflection in the mirror, and gave in to his strongest voice, like he always did.

A/N: I should officially keep tissues with me near my computer. Oh, writing this is definitely a challenge. Please review.


	5. New Sensation

A/N: Hey, another chapter. I feel so happy that I am finally picking up the pace. Let's face it, 2-3 weeks by my schedule standards are unacceptable. So consider this my gift to you all.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Five: New Sensation

Cam walked up to his computer. It was around noon when he did. He checked to make sure that no one was around and was just about to get on until a voice frightened him out of his mind.

"Cam?" "Oh my God!" Cam yelled. He hadn't expected his dad to be here. He was usually doing his afternoon meditations. "Is something wrong?" "Oh, nothing's wrong Sensei," The second the last word came from the samurai's mouth, his father couldn't help but start to well up at that. 'I knew that I wasn't paying Cam the attention and care he deserved, but I never thought it would be so bad as to come to this.'

"Dad, you okay?" "Um...yes, I'm okay. I was just thinking. Anyways, I came here to tell you something." He struggled with how he was going to put it. He wasn't able to come up with a good excuse like he promised. Let's face it, there was practically no excuse that would convince him to do what he wanted him to do. There was only one way to do it, to put it out bluntly. "Sens...I mean Dad. No offense but won't you tell me what it is before my arteries harden." Kanoi noticed how Cam always laughed at his usual sarcastic remarks. For a split-second, it seemed like everything was fine. Then, he saw what disproved it. Every time Cam laughed, you could tell if it was a genuine laugh by looking at his eyes. He couldn't quite explain it, but if he was laughing it seemed as if his eyes would be just filled with electricity. It looked like his eyes were pure light, a look that no one could help but marvel at. With this laugh however, not only didn't his eyes light up, but he could have sworn that they actually darkened, which just brought his heart down. "Dad, are you sure your okay?"

"What? Oh yes, sorry. Must have drifted off again. I'm probably just tired. Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you. You know that Dustin is taking Blake, Hunter, and the rest on a camping trip in the woods." "Oh, I know. I just hate that I am going to miss it, but heck, someone has to make sure that Ninja Ops doesn't collapse on us." Suddenly, Sensei thought that he might have a chance. "Well, you no longer have to hate, because I put Cyber Cam in charge of Ninja Ops so you could go with them." "YOU DID WHAT?!" Cam yelled. The guinea pig couldn't help but practically do a back flip in surprise of that little outburst. "I said that I put Cyber Cam in charge of..."

"I know what you said Dad," Cam responded with a look of total anger. "What I wanted to know was why you did that?"

"Well......I mean...it's just...Listen Cam, you have to admit that you practically are spending more time out here than you should. You should go out and get some fresh air." "All right, I'll take a few more walks around Blue Bay." "No, what I meant was to be around people." "I can be around people at Blue Bay." "Not in a way to get you to actually talk to people. I thought that if you just went along with the others, you might actually have fun."

"That is beside the point, Sensei. You had no right to do this without my permission. I told you that I still don't feel right about leaving total control to Cyber Cam." "You reprogrammed him, didn't you? So far, he hasn't gotten out of line. Well, I know that his hip talk or whatever you call it can be annoying, but besides that, I think that he's capable of fulfilling his duties. Besides Cam, those duties just happen to be running Ninja Ops." "I still think that you should have consulted me about this."

Kanoi couldn't help but look at his son. I mean, this was total unusual behavior for Cam. He knew that he was just ignoring the issue of going with Shane on a camping trip, and he didn't know why. He was ashamed to say, but he was starting to get really annoyed at him. "Cam, I know that you're just ignoring the fact of the camping trip with the rest of the rangers. I know that you probably think that staying here is helping you, but it isn't. I didn't want to tell you this way, but Cam, you have to go." "What do you mean that I have to go?!" Cam asked, probably a bit forcefully than he wanted it to come out. "I mean that I am ordering you to go. I am sick and tired of you just staying here, wasting your life away for nothing! Now you are going to go, whether you like it or not!

'Oh my God. I didn't mean to put it that way. Great. Here I am saying that I want to help him, and then I rant at him like he was a slave than a son. I know that I should apologize, but I just can't bring myself to do it.'

What happened next caught Kanoi totally by surprise. The usual Cam thing to do was to either A) Yell back again, B) Come up with a sarcastic remark, or C) Just walk away. All of these things would have made sense since he knew how Cam was. But instead of these, something strange happened. Cam's face drooped down, and he started to look at his feet. He brought his hands and started to roll his fingers. Finally, he looked up at him, and his heart fell right there. There were signs of tears welling up in his eyes, very faintly almost to the point where most people wouldn't see it. His whole expression changed from the unruly child, to an almost whimpering baby look. He finally spoke, "I am sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to say all the things that I said. I'll go on the trip with others. I'm so sorry that I upset you. I never wanted to do that."

Cam's voice began to become tearful and sad and he quickly stormed to his room, not even noticing how he nearly ran over Blake and Hunter, who just got up as they usually did.

Blake finally spoke to Sensei after Cam slammed the door. "Is everything okay, Sensei?" But he couldn't speak. He had just done the exact opposite of what he wanted to do. He had hurt his beloved son. He had just officially addressed himself to Cam as a teacher rather than a parent. He fought for breath, emotions running through him threatening to be exposed.

* * *

Cam rushed into his bathroom, closed the door, sat on the floor with his knees to his chest, and just wept into his jeans. He never wanted to hurt him. Even though he thought that he was always busy with the team, he knew that his dad loved him. And how did he repay his act of kindness? He became a stuck up brat thinking that he didn't need him.

"OH GOD!!! Why did I do that?! I just ruined any chance of having any kind of family relationship with him. He probably hates me. He probably now wants one of the other rangers to be his child. I can't blame him. I know that he deserved better. He deserves a son who actually cares for him and shows it, not such an insignificant speck like me. How could my dad and mom, the two most important people in my life, come up shorthanded with somebody like me.' He continued to cry and rant for about 10 minutes until even gasping for breath became to difficult. He had to let the rest of his emotions out. He just HAD TO.

He didn't feel like vomiting again, his throat was hurting pretty bad from all the crying and screaming he did. But he had to get it out. "Oh god. There has to be something I can do. I can't just continue like this. Then again, I probably deserve to." He soon became consumed with anger and for no reason threw a drawer out from under the counter and just threw himself against a wall. He slid down, tears once again threatening to consume him. His eyes looked down to the mess he made. There was just so much junk that once was in the drawers. There was a permanent pen, a former school I.D., a blue razor blade he got for a birthday, shaving cream, acne treatments, a blue razor blade, an old opened Christmas box, a blue razor blade, and a blue razor blade. His eyes just kept getting fixated on that beautiful object. Why he didn't know. Cam took it in his hands and spun it around in his fingers. There was nothing unusual about it. Just any other razor blade. 'I wonder what would happen if I'd...no I couldn't. But then again, maybe I could.' Cam thought as he got up and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked so tired, pale, and dull. He looked...broken.

This was all the convincing he needed. He rolled up his sleeves, brought the metal to his wrist, and shut his eyes as he brought it across, stinging overwhelming his senses. He sighed again as he brought the metal again to his skin, a little up this time. After that, he closed his eyes and tried to focus on all of his past emotions, and then transferred all his thoughts onto the stinging of his cuts.

He didn't know why he enjoyed this. He guessed it was because he now realized that for once, he was in control of what feelings came to him, he was control of his life and what he was doing, and that feeling felt so right. Even if this only lasted for another few seconds, he was glad he could escape.

"Cam, are you in there? I'm just checking to make sure you're alright." It was Hunter. Cam quickly washed the razor and put it along with all the other junk in the drawer. "I'll be out in a minute, Hunter. Just cleaning up.

"Well...okay. Come out soon, I want to talk with you." "It won't take long." After cleaning up, washing his cuts, and rolling down his sleeves as to keep his arms hidden, he slowly opened the door, now feeling in control. He was so happy to find release somewhere, that he didn't realize that he was just digging himself in a hole further down, and that if he continued, he might never get out.

A/N: Oh, writing this was so uncomfortable. I had to stop a couple of times to get a hold of myself. However, I am trying to convey a message as to how I felt back then, and how people who suffer emotional strain will choose unhealthy ways of dealing with them. Anyway, please review and tell your friends. The more people who hear me, the better.


	6. Total Control

A/N: Hey, updating again. I know, you're all happy for me updating so soon. I need to get as much of it done as I can since school is starting to collapse on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting straight A's, but the work is difficult. Well, on to Chapter 6.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Six: Total Control

Cam packed his bag for the camping trip he was forced on. He loved his dad dearly, but he had no right to do what he just did. Oh man, he was not looking forward to this. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone. 'You would think that after a month of this, those airheads would finally get the hint.' Making sure he packed everything including his sleeping bag, he prepared for hell. 'I'd rather sleep right not and never wake up. At least then, I could avoid everything and everyone.'

He entered his bathroom and washed his face, hoping to get the lack of sleep out of his eyes. He looked in the mirror at the weary and old-looking face. He didn't always look like this. He used to be so full of life and energy. Now, he was just a zombie with nothing to do but walk around and sulk.

* * *

Hunter had wanted to talk with him the day that he and his dad fought. It was a usual smothering conversation that the rangers seemed to enjoy giving lately.

"Cam, are you okay? I mean honestly. Me and the gang are not trying to make you miserable. Listen, we're just worrying about you. Why don't you ever hang out with us? Is something..." "No Hunter, nothing's wrong. Jesus Christ, why won't you just believe me?!! Cam had said angrily. All this 'let's help Cam' phase seemed to be contagious. Every single minute, hour, and day, the rangers did nothing but get on his nerves. Why wouldn't they just back off?

Hunter continued on. "Listen Cam, I'm sorry. I know that we have been smothering you. But, we just want to know if you're okay. We care for you Cam. The winds care, not just as in teammate, but as in friend. And to me and Blake, you're a brother to us. I know that we might be annoying, but we're not trying to get on your nerves. We just want to let you know that if anything bothers you, it's okay to tell us. Do you understand?"

Cam had stood there, contemplating what the crimson ranger had said. He didn't know if what he said was true but it seemed sincere. 'Oh my god. I never knew that they had cared for me this much. I just thought that they were putting up with me. It's not like they could avoid me or anything, being a ranger and all. But this I wasn't ready for.'

When that moment past, he was ready to confess everything to Hunter, the person he felt closest to. Then, his sense got the better of him. "Thank you, Hunter. I really appreciate what you said. I promise that I'll tell you guys if there's something on my mind."

Hunter stood still. Cam could tell that this wasn't want he wanted. He knew that he was expecting to tell him the problems he was having. Hunter thought of questioning him further, but thought the better of it. 'At least he knows that we're here for him. And when he feels he needs to talk to me, I'll let him. For now, I'll just leave it at that.' "Okay. Oh, by the way. Your father said that you decided to go with us on the camping trip." 'More like forced.' Cam thought.

"Yes. I decided to take your advice. It gets boring hanging down here. Anyway, can't wait till we go." "That's great Cam. Trust me, you won't regret it. 'Oh, I expect I shall.'

* * *

Cam now just stood there, thinking of everything the rangers had done for him. Normally, this would have cheered him up. But instead, it just brought him down. 'I can't believe that they care for me. They shouldn't care. I don't deserve good friends like them. Here they are, trying to help me out on something they don't even know about, and how do I repay them? I shun them, lie to them, and hurt them.' Cam fought his emotions back. He couldn't afford to be weak. He hated being weak.

He hated people smothering him, he hated people ignoring him, he hated ever being alone, he hated being crowded. Basically, he hated everything. Reaching out for his toothbrush, he noticed the razor blade. It took great strength to ignore it. He brushed his teeth slowly, his mind always returning to the blade. Why couldn't he just stop thinking about it? After cleaning himself off, he couldn't stand it anymore. He took the blade and packed in his bag. 'I guess it wouldn't hurt to take it. Afterall..."

"Cam, are you ready?" It was Blake. He seemed really happy that Cam was coming with them. "I'm almost. I'll be out in a minute." Cam did a last minute check of his supplies, stopping at the blade just to admire it and headed out.

* * *

It was around three in the afternoon before the team stopped at a good spot by a river in the woods. "Well guys, welcome to my kingdom." Dustin sarcastically said. He had gone camping here before and knew the terrain so he gave the rangers a quick tour before they set up.

Practically the whole afternoon, the group never rested. They fished in a nearby lake for a few hours. After, some unknown person, probably Dustin, pushed Tori in the lake and pretty soon, they had an all out splash fight. Everyone had a blast. Well that is, everyone except Cam. While everyone stayed together and played and said ridiculous teenage stuff, he chose most of the time to watch them. He so badly wanted to join them, but something always stopped him. 'Look at them. They don't even know that I'm here. Hell, it's not like I deserve to have fun. Oh god, why must you torture me.' Cam fought back tears as he saw the others living a life he wished he had. However, he knew that he would never have that life. He didn't deserve anything good. Suddenly, the emotions he had fought so hard to control were starting to break him down. 'I can't let them see me this way.' He started gasping for air, trying to keep the tears that were starting to feel his eyes from coming down.

Cam quickly rushed off towards the campsite. He ninja streaked over and collapsed on the ground. He just laid there for a few minutes, not moving as if he were paralyzed. Then, he started to hit the ground with his fists and started flailing like he was a little child in a tantrum. 'OHHH! I HATE THIS! I HATE THEM! I HATE EVERYONE! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME?! WHY AM I HERE?! WHY WAS I EVER BORN/! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!

Cam continued wailing for about 5 minutes before he stopped and just laid on his back crying like he never had in his life. Tori, Dustin, Shane, Hunter, and Blake had know idea how good they got it. They were constantly surrounded by people who cared for them. None of them had perfect lives, but compared to Cam's standards, it was the ideal life. 'Why? Why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to feel this way? Why must everything go wrong?" Cam asked these questions to himself, questions that might be impossible to find the answers too. After a few more minutes, he slowly sat up. He looked at his hands, his arms, his stomach, his legs, his feet, all in disgust. The pain had taken him over, and he didn't want that. He wanted to control what happened to him. He wanted to control what he felt. He wanted control over his life.

Almost mechanically, Cam lifted himself up and walked slowly to his sleeping bag. Kneeling down, he opened the zipper and got out the blade he had there just in case he needed it. Thank god that he was wearing long sleeves. He had been feeling cold a lot lately and had to keep wearing sweaters for warmth. He didn't know why, but it wasn't like he cared.

After taking the blade, he ninja streaked to an area of the forest he didn't know. He put his back against a tree and held the shiny object in his right hand. Slowly, ever so slowly, he brought it to his left wrist. He stopped to look at the slight purple cuts he had repeated washed so that they wouldn't scab. Then, he put it on his skin and brought it across, the stinging sensation overtaking all senses. Tears began to well up as the sensation happened again as he cut again a little higher and shorter. He could feel the warm blood pour out of him and Cam watched it, almost as if it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

In that moment, he forgot everything about his life. He forgot he was on a trip with his teammates. He forgot the fight he had with his father. His mind, thoughts, feelings, were solely on the cuts he had made. Not only that, but he felt control. He finally found a way to forget everything and to have control at the same time. And he enjoyed it.

Cam finally realized, he had found a friend. Something that would always listen, something that would never let him down, something that wouldn't get on his back, and something that would stay with him and give him what he wanted. That friend was the blade.

'I finally found happiness. I knew I had control. I just needed to find it. Now that I have, no one is going to take this away from me. Not Dad, not the rangers, nobody.

A/N: I know that this chapter was mostly thoughts and actions. I am sorry for the lack of dialogue. I promise that there will be more in the next few chapters. Hope you guys review.


	7. Life's Metaphors

A/N: Again, another chapter. Wow, I didn't expect to write these chapters so quick. However, never fear. I plan to draw out the story as long as possible. BUT, that doesn't mean it's going to take me forever to finish the story. I just have a lot of stuff to get off my chest, and it just happens to take a lot of time and space and right. However, I don't think reviewers are going to complain of that anytime soon. Here's chapter seven.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Seven: Life's Metaphors

Blake got out of the lake in his now drenched and freezing clothes. The rest of the team was still busy trying to drown Dustin in the lake. Of course, it was all for good reason. Dustin had pushed Tori in the lake when she was facing away. And somehow, he didn't know how, but the rest of team got involved in one way or another. It seemed to be about half an hour until he got out.

'Oh, I should get Dustin to dry everyone's clothes. Every time we get ourselves into something like this, it's always him behind everything. I love the guy, honestly, but sometimes I just have this urge to just hit him over the head with anything nearby. That's probably why Tori hits so hard, she's done it so many times on him. Can't say I blame her though. Her aggressiveness is one of the things that I like about her. Oh, I hope Cam brought something that quickly dries clothes...hey, where is Cam?'

He had finally noticed that their fellow samurai was not there.  He turned in every direction, but could see no sign of him. Blake couldn't help but feel guilty. Tori, Sensei, and his brother have been trying so hard to make Cam feel like a part of the group, not just in ranger duty, but also as a friend. He hoped that he didn't walk away feeling like he wasn't wanted. That was the last thing he wanted to happen.

Instead of contacting the guys straight away and worrying them, he decided to go look for him himself. He silently crept away from them knowing that their full attention was on killing Dustin. The first thought to check was the camp-site. He quickly streaked over since it was a fair distance away. However, when he arrived, he was surprised to find Cam not there.

"Where could he have gone to? "CAM, WHERE ARE YOU? Oh God, I hope he didn't run off."

* * *

Cam quickly got up from the tree, pausing a little to let the dizziness pass. He quickly took the inside of his green, long-sleeved shirt and wiped the blood from the blade. After carefully placing it in his pocket, he again took his shirt and applied pressure to his cuts to block off the blood flow. After doing this for several minutes, he rolled down his sleeves to keep his wrists and upper arms hidden and slowly walked back to camp. 

He kept thinking things through his head as to how he would explain his absence. 'Oh, I'll probably just say that I didn't feel good and needed to take a walk. Hell, they probably haven't noticed that I left. They're always busy with each other that they probably forgot that I even came on this trip.

"CAM, WHERE ARE YOU?" That was Blake's voice. 'Oh shit, they did notice. I better get back quick. I hope they just accept my explanation. He cautiously streaked over, stopping a few yards just to evaluate the situation. Blake was yelling towards away from him. Well, Cam decided it was better to come out in the open.

"Blake, stop yelling. I'm right over here." He really wasn't going to like this conversation. He had no plausible excuse to explain everything.

"Oh Cam, there you are. I was wondering where you were. Where did you go? You could have helped us get Dustin."

"Well, I wasn't feeling well so I decided to take a walk. I guess I'm not used to riding in cars with a lot of people just yet."

"I'm hardly surprised. You've practically made Ninja Ops your dwelling. I know I've told you this, but you seriously need to get out more. There's so much to do out in the real world."

"Sorry. I guess I was so caught up in making everything run smoothly, I forgot there was such a thing as the real world."

Blake continued, "Well, now you know. Anyway, are you feeling alright now?"

'I guess that depends on your definition of alright.' "Yes Blake, it was just temporary." Cam looked down at his feet. He wanted so badly to tell people how he was feeling and what he was doing, but he just continued to make excuses. Maybe it wouldn't hurt.

"Are you in there, Cam? You know, maybe you should lie down and rest for a minute because you really don't look good."

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just thinking about something." What he was doing was deliberating over how he was going to tell the others what he's been doing. He hated keeping everything bottled up inside. He felt like he was going to burst.

"Is it okay if I ask what it is?" Blake asked. He really wanted to know, now just for the sake of knowing, but so that he could help him. Out of everyone, he actually got closest to Cam first. Blake was never really comfortable around people. Even though Shane, Dustin, and Tori were his best friends, he didn't really know them enough to truly open up and talk freely with them. He always went to Hunter for that. However, Cam wasn't like the rest. Though he was annoying and sarcastic, people could tell right off the bat that he was a person you could talk to about anything, and he wouldn't ridicule or judge you. Cam was almost like Hunter in a way: brooding, quiet, good-natured, and caring.

"Oh, don't worry Blake. It's nothing." Cam said hoping that the navy ranger would go away from the subject.

"Cam, if there's one thing that I know about you, it is that 'nothing' is usually 'something' most of the time in your case. Listen, I know you've probably heard this conversation a lot, but all of us are here for you. If anything is bothering you, you can always come to us. That's what friends are for."

Cam thought about this for a moment. Friends. That was something that he wanted. He hated to say, however, that he still didn't know if the others were truly his friends. Somewhere deep in his heart, he just couldn't accept that fact. Maybe it was because he was afraid of getting hurt, maybe it was because he was scared to admit he might be wrong, or maybe it was because they just felt sorry for him. All that Cam ever wanted was to be cared for by people who did care. That was all he ever wanted. Having this lonely feeling hurt him down to the very deep reaches of his soul. And what hurt even more was not knowing if this could ever be fixed.

Slowly, Cam started to fight back tears. He practically did this every few hours. What was worse was that someone was watching him breakdown.

"Cam, what's wrong? What's bothering you?"

"Oh man. I'm crying in front of a guy. How embarrassing."

"Hey, you shouldn't feel embarrassed. All of us cry once in a while. Cam, will you please tell me what's going on? Don't tell me nothing, because I know there's something you're holding back. Please tell me, and I'll help you in anyway I can."

Cam looked at him for a few minutes. Maybe telling him wasn't going to hurt.

"Okay Blake, I'll tell you. However, can you promise not to tell the others? I don't want them to know just yet."

Blake thought this through. He didn't feel comfortable keeping secrets. Besides, by the way Cam was acting, it had to be serious. But this was Cam. How bad could it be? "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

Cam opened his mouth to talk, but before he could the others appeared in the distance.

Dustin: "Blake, forgive me. I didn't mean to start this whole thing, but please protect me. You have no idea how hard Tori hits."

'Oh damn it, Dustin. Did you have to run over here now?' Blake thought as he saw Cam's reaction. When Dustin appeared, he immediately shut his mouth and wiped his tears away as he realized what he was about to do. And he was so close.

"Dustin, don't you dare go running behind my brother like a coward. Come out here and die like a man." Hunter proudly said as he carried a gigantic tree branch as if it were a pitchfork.

"Charge!!" Shane and Tori said in unison as they both in a flash grabbed Dustin by the neck of his drenched, yellow t-shirt and held him in place as Hunter began to tickle him mercilessly. "Hey bro, why don't you and Cam come over here and read this scumbag his rights."

Cam and Blake looked at each other, both knowing that the conversation couldn't take place now. Not knowing what to do, they both came over to where the others were holding Dustin hostage and played along, not really caring about the game, but about the talk they just had and wondering if they would ever finish it.

* * *

It was around nightfall, and the gang had just eaten some hamburgers they made on Dustin's grill. None of the others could imagine how Dustin brought it over, but no one really cared. Anyway, after eating around a campfire and trying to scare each other with ghost stories, they all went to sleep. That is everyone but Cam. He still lay awake, shivering even in his thick sweater while he was zipped up heavily in his sleeping bag. 

'God, I can't believe what I was going to do. I had nearly told Blake everything. I don't know why I was going to do that. I can't believe myself. How could I be so stupid?"

The samurai lay on the ground staring up into the night sky, thinking thoughts about himself like he usually did before going to sleep.

'No, there's no way I could tell them. They would never understand me. How could they? They have perfect lives, while I'm stuck in this miserable hellhole of one. There's no way they would know the pain that I'm going through. I guess I'll have to deal with it myself.'

After coming to that depressing conclusion, Cam's mind started to ponder many other things. 'I wonder if anyone in this entire world could understand how I'm feeling. I don't know what happened along the way, but somehow my life got totally screwed up. Hell, maybe it was screwed up to begin with. I just can't stand it anymore. I hate my life. I just wish that I could just start fresh with a new beginning just by wishing on a star, but I know life isn't like that. Life is too cruel to ever work out in humanity's favor. If that's true, then how come it seems like everyone else seems so very happy. They all seem content, appreciated, adored, and loved. I wonder what that feels like. I can't believe it, I forgot what it was like to be happy. Was I ever happy at all? I don't know. All I know is that I'm not now. How did I ever get to this point?'

Crying silently to himself, he slowly got out of his sleeping bag as to not wake the others and walked silently to the stream which was about a 15 minute walk away. He stopped and kneeled down to the ground, examining the way the rocks and water interacted. Cam silently realized and thought over similarities between life and the stream.

'In some ways, the rangers and the rest of humanity are kind of like the water. No matter what gets in the way, the water always continues to move forward, overcoming any obstacles it comes across. The stream continues to flow with life and radiance. The water keeps people alive and going. And the rocks are kind of like me. They are cold and utterly lifeless. No matter what's going on with its surroundings, they stay the same. Everything else changes and grows, while rocks just stay where they are, uncaring of the world, and left behind. And the only purpose of these rocks, is to get in the waters way and to weigh things down.'

Cam wished that what he thought wasn't true, but he couldn't help but think that. The rangers always moved forward with each other, so full of radiance, life, happiness, and strength to overcome anything. And he was the one left behind, the one of sadness, despair, and dullness, who always seemed to burden the others.

Unable to take it anymore, he reached into his right pocket and pulled out the blade. The blade, the only friend Cam ever had. He slowly turned it around to admire it. He couldn't help it. He absolutely needed it right now. However, because of this, he couldn't help but feel controlled by it.

'That's not true. I control it. I decide what hurts me, I decide how my life goes, and I decide what to feel.' Knowing where there this was going to go, he rolled up his sleeves and prepared himself. But before doing this, he reached into his other pocket, grabbed the food he had hidden from the others at the campfire dinner, looked down at in disgust while enjoying the pain that hunger caused, and threw all of it into the stream.

A/N: Sorry that this chapter is kind of long, but I'm trying to get more emotion and dialogue in it. Oh, this chapter was difficult. Everything that Cam felt, I felt before. Writing it brings the memories back. Anyways, hope you guys read and review.


	8. Brotherly Love

A/N: Hey, I am so sorry it took me long to update. I had the worst cold imaginable. Luckily, it all went away before Turkey Day. Anyways, I hope that none of you are so upset. Hope that you are happy with this chapter (or as happy as you can be with an angst story). Anyways, like I always say, on to the fanfic.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Eight: Brotherly Love

Blake, Hunter, and Cam walked out of Tori's van as they were dropped off at Ninja Ops. Hunter was in an exceptionally good mood walking back to his temporary home. Of course, any day where Dustin was taught a lesson the hard way was enough to please anybody.

Dustin looked at the only two people left in the car, both giving him proud smirks and stares. He had to admit, he was pretty annoyed. He never really saw them act like this. "Um Hunter, mind if I stay with you, Blake, and Cam tonight? I'm scared of these two right now." "I'm not so sure you should. I'm no better. Besides, you deserve what you got today. Now, you've learned your listen right? Because I'd hate for you to go through your ordeal again."

Dustin quickly nodded his head as if he would drop dead the next second if he didn't. "Don't worry guys. I've learned my lesson." "Good. Pleasant dreams, Dustin." Hunter said with an ear-to-ear smirk. Dustin flung to the back of the seat like a little child as Tori drove off with him and Shane.

As Hunter waved continuously at the van disappearing into the distance, both Cam and Blake just watched the scene from a distance. Both rangers had thoughts running through their heads at the speed of light, though both very different.

Cam: 'God, I wish I had something like that with anyone on the team. But no, they're too busy with each other to notice such an insignificant speck like me. Oh man, I want to know what is wrong with me. I want to know what I ever did in life to deserve this. Please, someone let me know what's wrong with me so I can fix it. If I could just know. I hate being like this. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being empty. I want to feel loved, and cared for. If I could get that feeling for just once.'

Blake: 'Frankly, I don't care if they hurt Dustin. He ruined everything. I know he didn't know, but he has this habit of coming in at the most inconvenient time. God, whatever is bothering Cam, it's something serious. I should have told the rest of them, but I don't want to betray Cam's trust. He had almost confided me about something, and I am not about to lose that trust. But, I need to tell someone. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I told Hunter. He's my brother and I can trust him. Besides, he considers Cam one of the family. I hope we both can help him.'

Blake watched Cam carefully, knowing that he was deep in thought. Suddenly, he could see the samurai's eyes start to fill up with tears like on the camping trip. He could tell that he was using his full effort to not become a sobbing mess in front of him and his older brother. Blake mechanically reached out to Cam, but touched nothing but air when he ran inside ops straight to his room. Hunter watched the entire scene, unsure of what was going on when his third 'brother' practically stormed inside. He hurriedly walked over to Blake, wondering what had just happened.

"Blake, are you all right?" was the first thing that popped in his head. He knew that it was Cam who needed comfort, but he couldn't help it after being the protective sibling for so long. Besides, he knew that Blake wasn't feeling his best either.

"Oh, don't worry. It's nothing."

"Come on, I know you better than that to even consider that an option. Out of all the things you take from Cam, don't take his stubbornness."

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUTUP, HUNTER!!

Hunter was shocked by his younger sibling's outburst. "Hey, cool your jets. I was just telling you to truly tell me what's wrong."

"Well, don't bring Cam down in the process."

"What are you talking about? I was in no…"

"Have you considered that maybe Cam is to shy to share? Have you ever thought that he might be in a deep hole right now?"

"Hey, just calm down. Now what is this you're saying about him being in a hole and hiding something?"

"Well, at the camp…" Blake said before he stopped himself. He looked at the crimson ranger curiously as if inspecting him. He, as far as he knew, was the only one aware of how deep Cam's problem could go. He also knew that it was going to be very unlikely to finish the talk he and his troubled 'brother' began. Blake didn't want to lose his trust with Cam and probably ruin any chance of helping him. He continued to purse his lips together in fear that something just might slip out. "Blake, I know that you are hiding something as well. And I know it has something to do with Cam. Listen, if it is serious, I need you to tell me." When Blake showed no sign in behavioral changes, Hunter continued on. "Look, you're probably keeping this secret because you don't want Cam to get mad at you and lose your trust." 'How could Hunter just read me like an open book?' "However, it seems that he has trust in no one right now. All of us are trying the best we can to help him, but the problem is we have no idea what is going on with him. It seems that you might know something. If you do, please tell me? I care for him too, you know."

Blake pondered what he said. He knew that everything he said was true. Both he and Hunter looked up to Cam. Both felt comfortable being in his presence. They didn't know why, but he had a soothing effect on them both that no one else had. After that, they considered the samurai part of their little family and practically stuck by him from the moment they started fighting on the winds side. Seeing their brother so upset just crushed them.

"Hunter, we need to talk." The older one couldn't help but sigh in relief by his brother's answer. "Shouldn't we go get Cam?" "No, not yet. I have a feeling he needs to be alone for a while."

* * *

Cam slammed the door and locked it as he stepped into his bedroom, his oasis. He put his hands in front of his face so as to hide it from the world and screamed into them. He flung himself on his bed like a little child in a tantrum and continued to scream into his pillow.

About 15 minutes went by before he slowly lifted his head and looked at the door. "Look at that. I practically run away from Blake, clearly breaking down, and he doesn't even bother to check up on me. I guess this proves it. He doesn't even care. He probably just felt sorry for me. Well, that's going to be the last time I share anything with him or anyone." Cam slowly filled with rage and began to punch the bed. He couldn't help it. He needed to let it out. The samurai began to kick and punch everything in his room. Vases, the bed, the floor, the wall, and eventually a mirror all bowed and were punished without mercy beneath the green ranger's fury.

He went into the bathroom still in a rage, and did a quick punch to the mirror, now bruising and cutting his already bruised hand. The stinging of it brought his rampage to a halt as he stared at his bleeding hand. Instead of normally cleaning the cuts up and bandaging them, he just pushed his back against the wall and continued to watch the small amount of red liquid start to flow out and cover his fingers. He marveled at the feeling. It was almost like his blade caressing him. Cam slid slowly down the wall down to his knees and just continued staring at his hand, relishing in the pain that was happening.

However, his relaxed state soon became a sobbing state. "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME? I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE? What the hell am I doing? Do I even want to know?" He slowly let the tears flow freely from his now dark and blank eyes. He looked down at the broken shards of glass and the messed up bed in the next room. In a way, he kind of felt jealous of these inanimate objects. They couldn't feel anything happen to them at all. They just stay still, letting the world get caught up in their troubles while they stood where they were, care-free. And if by any chance they got caught up in the troubles, they couldn't feel the hurts, see the pain, nor

have to get involved with nasty messes like him. Cam silently sat in shock of what he just thought. "Now I know that my life is pathetic," he said to himself as he fell on his side.

* * *

"So Cam just started crying in front of you?" Hunter asked Blake in astonishment.

"Yes, I kept asking him what was wrong, and he started to breakdown."

Blake and Hunter were still outside so they couldn't hear their friend's tantrum inside. The older one just took all that information in. Out of all of Cam's actions, this was by far the most surprising one of them all. He thought he knew that he knew him well enough, but he kept surprising him. "But Cam's not one to show his emotions in that way, not even in rangering."

"Exactly, which just confirms that whatever Cam's going through is something very serious. And the thing that makes it even more serious is the fact that he is hiding whatever it is very well." "Did he tell you what was going on?" "No, before he could, Dustin interrupted our conversation and he stopped himself."

"Ah, so that's why you seemed pissed when we came by. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what was going on," Hunter apologized with genuine honesty.

"No matter, it wasn't your fault. It was that damn idiot, Dustin." "Hey, calm down little bro. Dustin didn't know, and besides, we were following him. One of us was bound to interrupt." Blake thought this through and agreed with it. "Still, one of the rare chances we could have helped is now discarded." Hunter said, "Hey, don't give up yet. There are still plenty of chances we could help." "I hope so, because I have been trying to get Cam to talk to me, and now he takes the art of ignoring to a new level."

"Hey, come on. Cheer up. We're the Bradley Brothers. We can accomplish anything." Blake looked at his brother, inspecting again. Though the look on his face was that of humor and happiness, his eyes showed that deep down, he was as concerned about Cam as much as him. He guessed it was because that most of the people he cared about disappeared. His parents were both dead, and his ninja friends were being held captive on Lothor's ship. Hunter cared about Cam now and he didn't want anything bad to happen to him. Blake felt the exact same away. Jokingly to lighten up the mood and with just a bit of courage, he stated, "You're right. We can accomplish anything. And I know that we can get through this." 'At least, I hope.'

* * *

Meanwhile, Cam fell on his side and gazed into his bedroom as if the answer to all his problems was there. But no matter how hard and long he looked, he thought, he would never find the answer. Maybe there was no answer, or maybe the answer was too difficult to comprehend. However, he knew that still left him with nothing but heartache and pain. "I never knew that life could be so empty. If it's empty, how come I still feel something with me, something I don't want. If my life was truly empty, I shouldn't be able to feel anything. I would give anything to not feel a thing, because then I couldn't feel the pain of life. Maybe it would be better if I didn't exist."

Cam always thought this. Some of the time, he thought about killing himself. However, he could never bring himself to be able to. He actually tried suicide when he was about 13 when he tried to overdose on some sleeping pills his father used to have. He ended up spitting them out before he even started to swallow. No matter how hard life got, he couldn't bring himself to do it. And some of the time, he just wanted to.

"I guess I'll have to settle with what I can do for now." Thinking of his upcoming 'session', he settled into an uncomfortable rest. Sure, he could have gone to the bed if he wanted to. However, he felt that he didn't deserve any help. Whatever happened to make him this way must have happened because it couldn't have happened any other way. So instead of going to the warmth and the smoothness of his bed, he chose to sleep on the cold, and rough floor of his bathroom not because he was too tired to move, but because he deserved it.

A/N: I hate making Cam suffer. However, he has to suffer more in order to realize what he's doing. Anyways, hope you guys review and tell me what you think.


	9. Unexpected

A/N: Hey guys. Thanks to all who read and/or reviewed. I really appreciate it. Again, another fast update. This chapter contains some more deep thoughts inside Cam's mind which might be kind of discomforting to some readers. Just a heads up which might be useless, but there's no such thing as being too careful on this.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Nine: Unexpected

It was around 6:00 A.M. when Hunter woke up. He looked over at his sleeping brother in the extra bed. The older sibling had thought a lot about what Blake said Cam did on the camping trip. He immediately felt guilty for not paying attention to him. Hell, the gang was so caught up in punishing Dustin that they forgot the main reason they were there, to get Cam to open up.

"God, I really hope that Cam is going to be alright. If something turned out to be very serious with him, I don't know what I'd do. I didn't know that Cam was talking to Blake about whatever it was that was bothering him. How could I be so stupid?"

He had whispered all that to himself so that his brother wouldn't wake up since he usually was a light sleeper like himself. He knew that because they would always wake up to Cam going outside on his nightly walks. 'I wonder what he does all those nights. Walking can't be that relaxing since something is still obviously bothering him.' Hunter decided to go and invite Cam to tag along with the rangers for some lunch today so they could talk. They had recently scheduled it before they dropped them off, but Cam probably didn't hear as he was always in some distant land.

Silently, Hunter tip-toed out of bed towards the door, occasionally stopping if Blake stirred. Fortunately, Blake always managed to get back to sleep. 'Maybe last night's talk took a lot out of him.' The crimson ranger silently opened the door leading to the hallway that connected to Cam's room. Silently closing the door behind him, he made his way to the samurai's door. He got ready to knock before he stopped, even though he knew that the ranger would probably all readybe up. 'I don't know if this is a really good idea. He probably will refuse the offer saying that he had 'responsibilities' to uphold. But maybe it will be different this time. Only one way to find out,' Hunter thought. He gathered up the courage he had and knocked on the door a couple of times. "Cam, are you up?"

* * *

Cam laid still on his side on his bathroom floor. He had fallen asleep here and didn't make his way to the bed. Opening his eyes after a half an hour of being awake, he realized that the room was still in a wreck from last night's rampage. He immediately screamed inside himself, cursing the anger that had succeeded in taking him over. 'How could I be so weak? I thought I was stronger than that. I don't want these stupid feelings taking me over. I don't want them, I don't need them, and I won't let them stay.'

Cam slowly tried to get up. For some strange reason, each day felt like all of his energy was draining out of him. He couldn't pinpoint the cause. However, each day became harder and harder to go through. 'Hell, since when has my life ever been easy to go through?' he asked himself with good reason. Looking at the mess that he had caused, he silently whined knowing he would have to clean it up soon. 'Well, I'll do it in the afternoon.' "Cam, are you up?" It was Hunter.

"Shit!" Cam whispered with force to himself. What was he doing knocking on his door? "Um, yes I am. What is it? Is something wrong?" "Well, nothing's wrong really. I just wanted to ask you something." "Well, could this wait later?" Cam asked as he closed his bathroom door and began furiously to hide the vase pieces under his bed. "I don't think it can. May I come in?"

Cam knew that Hunter would suspect if he just hurried him along. Finishing his cleaning of his room, unlocking the door, and putting on a long-sleeved shirt to cover his scars, Cam called out, "Yes, you can."

* * *

"Yes, you can." Hunter was surprised. He had thought that Cam would complain about not having space, even though he usually had all space to himself. Cautiously, he entered his world. Cam was sitting on the bed, kind of out of breath. "You okay?" "What do you mean?" "Well, you seem like you had a work out of some kind because you looked fatigued. Did you have one after you got up?"

Cam thought this through, and was immediately happy that Hunter had given him a good cover story. "Yes, I was practicing down in the training area when I got up at around five. I was bored, so I decided to get a workout in."

"Oh, okay," Hunter said. After that, he began to notice some major differences about Cam. First of all, he looked seriously tired, almost to the point where he looked like he didn't have a nap in 20 years. He looked wasted of energy, and also the bags under his eyes had gotten bigger. He looked sick. Another thing was that Cam looked like he lost some weight. Though the samurai was slender to begin with, he looked downright scrawny to him. Perhaps it was the imagination playing a trick on him. Afterall, lack of sleep can make anyone look like anything nowadays. "Cam, have you been getting any sleep at all like I told you?" "Yeah, I have. I practically fell asleep the second we got back. Why?" "Well, no offense, but you look sick."

"Well, I guess I've been overworking." Cam said. It was the first thing that came to his mind to explain it. Hunter responded, "Finally, you admit that you are overworked. You need to take a break, Cam. You're seriously going to burn out." Normally, Cam would have defended himself, but with the close call of his visit, he just agreed. "I know, and I'm sorry to have worried you. I promise to hang out with you more. Are you guys doing anything today?"

This took Hunter completely by surprise. He had actually asked to join them. What the hell was happening? Was it possible that he was getting better? The ranger couldn't help but smile. "Actually, me and the gang were all going out to eat. Would you mind if you came?" "No, not at all." With all that Cam was saying, Hunter couldn't help but feel happy. "Great! We're meeting at Storm Chargers at noon. Why don't you take a little nap, and then meet us over there." "Sure Hunter, that sounds excellent. I really need the rest." Hunter smiled proudly and turned to leave. Before going, he said, "Thanks, Cam. I appreciate it." With happiness filling him, he walked off towards his own bedroom.

* * *

When Hunter left, Cam couldn't help but feel stupid. "Idiot, Cam. Do you realize what you've just done? Now, I have to go otherwise he will get suspicious. And as if it couldn't get any worse, we are going to EAT OUT! That is the last thing I want to do. How could I be so stupid?" Cam asked to himself. Now, he felt pathetic for doing what he just did. He couldn't help but cry. He had practically consumed nothing in a week, and the thought of all his efforts being dashed away just brought him down. He closed and locked his bedroom door, and walked like a zombie to his bathroom.

When he entered, he closed the door and looked in the mirror. He hated what the mirror showed. It showed nothing but a useless, pathetic, idiotic, and ugly soul. "You have know idea how much I hate you. What are you supposed to do here? You are useless." Trying to regain his composure, he went on to say, "Wh…Why must y…you…make me l…li…like this?" He couldn't stand it anymore.

He was tired of feeling like this. He was tired of feeling unloved and alone. 'Why do they try so hard to comfort me? It's not like they actually care. They're just doing this because they have pity on me and are bored. Well, I won't need them at all.' Pretty soon, Cam felt confused. Somewhere, he knew that the rangers actually cared. However, he didn't want them to find out what he was doing because then they would reject him. Then, he would have no chance of being friends with them. Then again, it's not like he would fit in. But, another voice said that they just pitied him. That filled him with anger and depression that he couldn't handle.

Cam felt all emotions you could feel (besides happiness) at the same time. He hated being bombarded by all these emotional problems. He couldn't stand having all this inside him. If he didn't let it out, he was going to burst. Automatically, he took out the blade he had in his pant pocket. Looking at himself in the mirror smiling, he took the sharp metal and brought it to an old scar he had. Immediately, blood began to flow, opening up all the pain before.

Grimacing, he brought the blade up higher and made another deep cut not just into his skin, but into his soul. Cam couldn't stand having all his emotions he couldn't control with him. The pain he inflicted on himself brought the hurt down to physical, something he could handle. For some time, Cam felt happy. He could finally control anything that came his way. He was strong. Watching the blood and emotions pour out of him, he couldn't help but feel calm and at ease.

After a while of staring at the warm liquid come out, Cam's control became replaced with grief and shame. "Oh god, what is this? How could I do this? How could I ever come to this spot in my life?" Cam let the tears come out of his now dull eyes. They became numerous and started to drop on the cuts, smearing the blood. Cam knew that no matter how much he cried, it would never get better. Not wishing to shed anymore watery tears, he made several more bloody tears before washing the blade and his arm. After putting on a new long-sleeved sweater and pants, he went to take a restless nap until 11:30 when he took off.

* * *

Dustin: You got _Cam_ to come along? How did you accomplish that?

Hunter: I don't know. This morning, he was different. He was agreeable, easy to handle, and he though of the idea of coming along with us to lunch.

Shane: Wait a minute,_he_ came up with the idea?

Blake: Would you all stop this? It doesn't matter who thought of the idea first. The important thing is that Cam's finally coming along with us.

Tori: Remember, we still need to find out what's been bothering him. I still don't feel right.

Blake: You know, you still haven't told us why you are so concerned.

Tori: What? I just care about Cam. Don't you?

Shane: Come on, you know he does. We all do. It's just that, you seem to have all attention on him.

Tori: I just want to make sure he will be fine.

Hunter: Well, don't worry. By the way Cam was this morning, I'd say that he is getting better.

Dustin: I hope so, Hunter. I hope so.

* * *

Cam walked down the sidewalk leading to Storm Chargers. He honestly didn't want to go, but he had no choice. "What am I going to do? I hope they don't have all attention on me. If not, it will be easy to get around the meal." Just the thought of food made the samurai's stomach rumble. Relishing in the feeling, he continued to walk.

As a skateboarder passed him by real close, Cam quickly turned around. He regretted it afterwards. The quick motion started to make the world spin to him. Leaning against a wall near his destination, he struggled to gain back strength but was failing. Kelly of Storm Chargers walked out throwing some bags into the garbage dump when she spotted Cam.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while, Cam. Decided to rejoin the living?" Cam tried to respond, but he started to breathe heavily due to lack of energy. "The others are inside waiting. Come o…Hey, are you alright, Cam?"

Cam tried to speak, but soon more energy left and he became weak at the knees. "CAM, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Kelly asked. That was the last thing he heard before darkness engulfed him as he fell to the ground.

A/N: I know, cliffhanger. I hate those myself. Sorry if this angers anybody. Please review and I promise to update as soon as possible.


	10. Troubled Thoughts

A/N: I am SO SO SO SO SO SORRY that it took me so long to update my story. I was on vacation and was trying to get Christmas presents for my family that I kind of lost track of it. If all you authors want to gang up on me, I completely understand. However, I need to tell you that I'm not one of those authors who start a story and never finishes. I plan to fully to complete this baby. Anyways, hope you read and review. And now, chapter 10.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Ten: Troubled Thoughts

Kelly came out of Storm Chargers, carrying trash bags over her shoulder. It was a very hot day and she wished that she could just stay home and take a break. However, being head of a store came with responsibility, especially since the Bradleys and Dustin were some of the workers there. 'God, I love them all, but sometimes I feel like they have souls of five year olds.' While throwing the bags into the garbage dump, she noticed Cam walking down the sidewalk. 'Whoa, it's been a while since I've seen him. Has he even been outside at all?'

Smiling to herself, Kelly called out, "Hey Cam, haven't seen you in a while. Decided to rejoin the living?" She waited for his response, but he seemed to be having trouble speaking to her. Calling out again, she went "The others are inside waiting. Come o…Hey, are you alright, Cam?" The samurai started to falter in steps and seemed to be getting weaker. Immediately, she started to panic for her friend's wellbeing. "CAM, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" That was the last thing she said before she saw him faint on the sidewalk.

"CAM!!" Kelly ran over to his side and began to speak to him. "Cam, what's wrong? Do you feel okay?" She then insulted herself for asking such dumb questions. People on the sidewalk stopped to look at the scenario before them. One of the walkers who wore glasses and seemed to be someone in his early thirties stooped over the fallen man and began to gently shake him. "Miss, do you know what's happened?"

"I don't know. I was just walking out and began calling out when he collapsed." Kelly responded, her voice filled with worry. She could only sit back and watch as the young gentlemen stopped over the Asian's face, pressing his ear towards the nose and mouth. "Well, he's still breathing. At least that's a good sign. I think he probably fainted."

"Are you sure?" she asked, not feeling any easiness run over her. "Are you sure it's not something serious?" "I'm pretty sure. I am a doctor. However, I need to check. Is there a phone nearby?" "Yes, it's inside Storm Chargers. That's where I work. Do you need to call an ambulance?" "Not yet. Miss, I want you to keep his legs above his heart level. If he's fainted, we want to restore blood flow to his brain." Kelly began to shake as she placed Cam's legs onto her lap. "His friends are inside the store waiting for him. They were supposed to go to lunch this afternoon. Can you go get them?" "Of course, they might help. I'll need to keep one inside, just in case it's more serious and we need to call. What are their names? Oh, I'll just ask who is friends with…who may I ask?" "Cam, Cam Watanabe." "Thanks."

As the doctor ran inside Storm Chargers, Kelly held the man's legs to her and stared at her friend. 'Oh, please be alright.' It didn't take long before the gentlemen came back along with Shane, Dustin, and the two Thunder Brothers. "What happened?" they all called out at once. "We think he fainted. I'm keeping his legs up to restore blood flow to the brain," Kelly shakily said. "Very good, Miss. Do you think one of you could take her place?" "I will," called out Dustin. As he quickly grabbed his fellow ranger's legs the doctor ordered the rest to help him loosen the guy's clothing. "If he doesn't regain consciousness within a minute or two, your friend inside will call an ambulance."

Quickly, everyone started to unbutton his sweater and loosen the belt on his pants. While the doctor and Hunter rolled up his pant legs and while Shane and Blake gently rolled him more on his back in the shade of the buildings, Kelly began to work more on the sweater. 'Why is Cam wearing a sweater? It's nearly 100 degrees out here,' she wondered to herself. She slowly reached out to curl up her friend's sleeves, noticing some bruise marks on his hands. As she slowly rolled the sleeves up, Cam awoke with a start.

Everyone surrounding him hurriedly went over to the now talking face. "Oh god, what happened?" Cam asked, wondering what he was doing on the floor. "Sir, you fainted. Kelly said she called out to you when you did, don't you remember?" "Oh, now I remember. Who are you?" Dustin piped in, "This is Dr…what's your name, mister?" "It's Doctor Palmer, and I helped Kelly and your friends revive you." Cam seemed lost in a daze, as if absorbing all this information in. "Thank you. Sorry for giving you guys a scare." "We don't care about that. We're just glad you're okay." Hunter said while Blake nodded to this.

Cam quickly started to rise before feeling dizzy again. "Don't move too fast, Cam. Your still regaining back your senses. Lie here a little bit before getting up." Cam could only nod as Shane put his head on his lap. Though he usually didn't like being cared for like a weakling, he could only sigh in contentment as the red ranger began to rub his head. He watched as the others went inside the store talking to Doctor Palmer. Everyone but Kelly that is. She just sat on her legs and stared at the ground where Cam's arm used to be. "Kelly, are you alright?" At first she didn't respond. "Kelly?" he said with a little more force that finally got her out of a trance. "Huh?" "Are you alright?" Kelly thought for a minute before saying, "Oh, I'm alright. It's just that you fainting kind of shocked me."

Cam closed his eyes in sadness stating that he was sorry. Kelly began saying that she was glad that he was okay. After about 5 minutes, everyone including Tori walked out. "Mr. Watanabe?" the doctor said. "Yes?" "Your friends have been telling me interesting stuff. They say that you have been working and exercising a lot. They also say that you haven't been resting and eating enough." Cam shot a quick angry glance at his rangers that no one noticed before responding, "I guess that's kind of true." "There's no excuse to not taking care of yourself. I asked your friends to look after you." The team slowly nodded their heads, although Tori looked scared out of her mind. "Do you want to go to the hospital for a check-up?" Cam, knowing that if they went to the hospital that his friends would find out what he's been doing for the past few weeks responded, "Oh no. I think I'll be okay. My friends and I were actually going to eat lunch soon. Maybe a little nourishment would help."

Doctor Palmer looked at Cam carefully. He didn't look serious, besides the bangs under his eyes which he knew was from ignoring his health.Hestarted toagree with him. "Do you think you can get up now? Nodding slowly, Cam slowly started to get up with the support of Shane and Hunter. "Bro, I told you that you needed to relax." "I know, Hunter. You were right, and I'm sorry." "Don't worry about it. Just promise that you'll take better care of yourself from now on," Blake said. "You got it. Now when exactly is lunch. I'm starving."

After a few minutes talking with the doctor, the six companions walked off. Kelly was still sitting on the sidewalk. "Are you alright, lady?" Palmer asked. Again coming out of a trance, she silently nodded. Accepting this, the young gentlemen walked off in the opposite direction.

Walking back towards Storm Chargers, Kelly couldn't stop from wondering. 'It's probably from a cat or something. Maybe he scraped himself. No, they're too precise. They look like the ones I had…no, that couldn't be. It's Cam. Stuff like that doesn't happen to him.' But she couldn't help but keep thinking about him.

* * *

"Bro, I will kill you if you scare us like that again," Dustin said. "I agree with that. I knew something like this would happen." "Of course, Hunter. I've said that I was sorry and I promise to act different, so can we just leave it at that?"

The group was sitting around a table at a local restaurant. They didn't care what the restaurant was called. As long as it served good food, they didn't care. The men of the group practically strived on nothing but food. Though the place looked fancy with it's flower wallpaper and clean dishes with forest patterns on it and the napkins that were folded into swans, Blake just ordered six hamburgers with fries knowing that no one would refuse. Though it looked appetizing, two people weren't devouring it.

One was obviously Cam. All he did was look around at the various people at the other tables talking to each other on how one person was doing, or what shortcuts to take to work, or the proper way to raise children. All in all, it was very boring stuff. However, Cam listened in to take his mind off of what was on his plate. His stomach was groaning in pains of hunger, but he chose to ignore them. 'I got this far, and I am not about to fail now.' For some reason, he felt like he needed to prove to himself that he could handle his current situation. Maybe it was to gain a sense of control over his life, or maybe he just wanted to see how strong he was. In either case, he just stared away at his food.

Blake looked over at Cam and noticed his behavior. "Bro, is something wrong? You haven't touched your food." Shane looked up at this while the others continued eating. "Are you feeling okay? Maybe we should have let you see a doctor. If you want, I can drive you back home if you feel like it. You probably feel kind of…". Cam didn't let him finish. "You're right. I still kind of feel a little woozy, but I can assure you that I'm okay." As if to verify it, he brought the hamburger to his mouth and took a big bite of it.

"Okay. Sorry for acting worried, I just want to make sure you're okay." "Don't worry, Shane. Everything's fine." After that, Blake and Shane continued to dive right in to their fries, occasionally fighting over the ketchup, and started to talk with the brothers and Cam on the new bikes being shipped in to Storm Chargers. Of course, Cam wasn't listening. After making sure that no one was looking, he brought a napkin to his mouth as if to wipe something off and he spat the big bites he was taking into it and folded it up.

The other person not paying attention to her food or to the conversations around her was Tori. Ever since Cam fainted on the sidewalk, she started to drift out of this reality. In all honesty, she was really scared for him. Who in their right mind wouldn't be, even if just a little? The bags under his eyes, his slow walks he took, the lack of appetite he had was all to common to her.

'In a lot of ways, he reminds me of Melissa…No Tori, don't think of her. What's happened has happened and you can't change that.' "Tori, what's wrong?"

She looked up at Hunter who was watching her along with Blake. Taking a brief glance at Cam who was putting fries in his mouth muttered a quick "I'm fine," and started to slowly eat her hamburger. She had her attention so fixated on her plate that she didn't notice how Cam always brought a napkin to his mouth after every bite.

* * *

"Excuse me, but do you know where the bike helmets are?" Kelly was shaken out of a trance for the 12th time that day. "What did you ask?" The 19 year old in a red t-shirt and black pants started to get annoyed. "For the 5th time, do you know where the bike helmets are?" "Oh, sorry. Their in the very back, towards your left." As the flustered customer walked over to the display, Kelly's attention reverted back to Cam.

'I still don't believe that Cam would do that. Those cuts I saw could be from any number of causes.' But she couldn't believe what she was telling herself. Those cuts were too straight, too numerous, and too precise for anything else.

Kelly tried to get attention back on the locals in her store, but the man that fainted earlier that day was on her mind. She had no way of proving her theory. How could she?

'Calm yourself. You of all people would know if Cam was in trouble. You've been in trouble before.' Suddenly, she found a way to check. How could she have forgotten? They were only part of her life now, a part she wished she could forget.

Hiding her left arm behind the counter, she looked down at it. She looked at the scars she had on it. Though the scars were from a long time ago and very faint so that most people wouldn't notice at first glance, they were easy to see for her. Quickly she looked up with a disturbing discovery in her mind.

'That settles it. The cuts he had are too similar to my scars. I just can't believe that he would do something like that. I thought only people like me would do that.' However, she knew that she would have to get over her shock if she wanted to help. Kelly had to face the fact brought up to her face. Cam Watanabe, a very dear friend of hers, was cutting himself.

A/N: BUM, BUM, BUUUM! Someone has now found out about his secret. I hope this gets you hyped up. Please read and review, and I promise not to slow down like before. BELIEVE ME, FORGIVE ME, AND REVIEW ME.


	11. Emotional Nights

A/N: Hey, it's Tyrant here. I'm trying to speed up my pathetically slow updating process. It's getting harder for me to find time to get to my story since my dad works on this computer at home. I usually have to stay up late to update. However, I feel that it is all worth it. I can't sleep anyway seeing as how it's raining heavily outside right now. So I saw this as a chance to continue with something that apparently people read-WHAT A SHOCKER. Anyways, on to chapter eleven.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Eleven: Emotional Nights

'12,598…12,599…12,600.' Cam mentally counted up the seconds he spent lying in his bed awake. It seemed that every night, the chance of having any kind of relaxation was diminishing. There were several factors that were probable causes to this. One was the fact that his stomach was aching with hunger. 'It's 12:04 now. That means that Wednesday just barely started. So, that would mean I haven't eaten anything for 12 days, give or taking a few purges.'

Normally, a person would probably raid the refrigerator and eat non-stop. Most people would worry about starving to death. But for Cam, each day he spent starving meant more control over his life. And that was something that Cam desperately needed.

Another factor contributing to his insomnia was the cold. It was normally warm in his bedroom, but now it felt like a freezer to him. He didn't know why. And it wasn't just his room that dropped temperature. Even the weather of Blue Bay Harbor had dropped considerably. He thought that winter had come but was surprised to find everyone else wearing shorts and t-shirts. And they thought that he was weird for wearing sweaters.

'Not that I'm complaining,' Cam bitterly thought. Though the sweaters served to help him keep warm, they also hid the disfigurements on his arms. He had now taken up cutting along with starving as natural habits. The scary thing was that pretty soon they became something he did without thinking, like breathing. It was part of his schedule.

7:00-Wake up

7:30-Get ready

8:00-Don't eat breakfast

8:30-Wallow in self-pity and hatred

11:00-Don't eat lunch

11:45-Condemn your life

6:00-Don't eat Dinner

6:15-Lecture yourself (if you've eaten anything, make sure you purge)

7:00-Cut

8:00-Go to bed

This would be an example of Cam's schedule planner. It was all pretty repetitive to say the least. And yet, it was the busiest schedule he ever had.

Slowly, Cam rolled up the sleeves of his sweaters and stared down at the recent cuts that he made. He immediately felt different emotions towards them. For one, he felt happy. Though it seemed scary, he felt as if he had control over everything he faced. No matter what was bottled up inside him, the holes he made into his skin would help release the pain. This part of his feeling waited in anticipation for the next creation to be made.

However, there was another side to it. It was the side of shame. This feeling wasn't new to him as it came every time he starved, cut, and purged. This side of him knew deep down that what he was doing was wrong. This side was the side that said, 'Go get help. You're wasting away your life.' 'What life?' the other feeling said. 'You had no life. You were ridiculed in school, you spend your time alone doing useless things to create the illusion that you're worth something, and to top it off, your mom is dead.'

That had struck a chord within Cam. 'Mom.' He missed her. He couldn't quite understand why he still missed her so much. After all, a lot of kids lose their loved ones at an earlier age than him. So why did he fell as bad as the day he found out? It was probably because his mom was the only one who ever helped him with anything that happened.

He immediately felt shame for what he thought. After all, his dad loved him too. Deep down he knew it. It took a couple of confrontations within himself to figure that out. 'Your Dad doesn't love you. He spends all his time with the other students. He loves his position, not you.' 'That's not true. I know Dad loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have forced me to go on the trip if he didn't.'

That was true. If his father tried so hard to let Cam fall into the rangers' group, it was because he didn't want him to be alone. However, this revelation only worsened things. 'Yeah, my dad cares for me. The thing that he doesn't know, however, is that I don't deserve it.' And for Cam, that was the god honest truth.

Feeling depression roll over him as it always did, Cam reached under the bed for his blade. However, the first thing he grabbed were bags containing sandwiches, chips, and cookies. He forgot that before, he would hide food under his bed and would binge late into the night. The reason he did this was because he felt ashamed for doing it, and that the privacy would take it away.

Normally, he would look at it in disgust. But since he was so hungry and was so caught up in his thoughts, he subconsciously started to down some chips and cookies. While he ate in silence, his troubled mind carried him away.

The thought of his mom really being gone brought tears to the corner of his eyes. 'Mom, you have no idea how much I need you. Dad can't help me, my friends can't help me, I'm all alone. You were the only person that ever made me feel loved and useful. Without you, I'm nothing.' His eyes were now filled with water that was threatening to fall from his now aged eyes. While eating a sandwich, his mind strayed to his friends.

'They don't need me. They have each other to take care of. I'll never fit into that group. I would only bring them down. Everyone there is so carefree, so active, so cared for. I WANT TO BE CARED FOR! I want to know what it's like to be loved. I want to feel special. Oh god, you made a mistake when I was born.' Though it sounded absurd, that's how he really felt at the moment. That didn't hold the water at bay as several stray tears fell down his cheek. While eating, he started thinking of his dad which did nothing to help him through.

'Oh Dad. I'm a failure. You're trying so hard to help me and I don't think you can. I'm a mirror, Dad. I'm nothing but a useless, shattered mirror. I'm afraid that the pieces are too small to ever put back together. Why don't you just throw me out? You deserve better, Dad. Every night, I pray that God will just take me away from here and give you the son you deserve. I'm nothing, Dad.' Pretty soon, the rivers falling from his face become a flood of utter loneliness, something he couldn't stop.

"Why am I here? What am I supposed to do here? I have no one to help me. There's no need for me here. I'm all alone. To be quite honest, I don't know why I even bother living at all?" Cam started to gasp for breath as his emotions threatened to take him over. "I wonder what it would be like if my mom aborted me? Maybe she should have. Then, they could have gotten someone different altogether. They could have gotten someone that actually had the right to happiness and parents. But instead, they became stuck with me. How did that pay off? My mom's dead, I'm fighting my evil Uncle, I feel like everyone's abandoned me, and now I'm eating my weight in junk.'

Suddenly, he realized what he just did. 'Oh god, tell me I didn't do it.' He looked down at the bags that covered him and the bed, and uncovered his actions. HE HAD EATEN! He watched with horror at all the empty bags that were once so full. His stomach no longer held the pains of hunger, but the pains of fullness.

"OH NOOOOOO!" He had failed. He had tried so hard to control his hunger and gain control of his life. And now, he realized that he had lost that control. He no longer could hold in the emotions inside of him and sobbed uncontrollably into his pillow. 'I'M A FAILURE!! NOW, I HAVE NOTHING!

Without even thinking, Cam jumped out of the bed and ran towards the bathroom. Immediately kneeling near the toilet, he stuck as many fingers down his throat as he could, and almost immediately began to vomit. This time was different though. Once he stopped, Cam would put his fingers back in, hoping he would continue, not even noticing he was crying in pain the entire time. After several dry heaves, some blood came out as the result of an abused throat. He took that as a cue to stop and flushed the mess down.

Though the problem was taken care of, the samurai still didn't forget on how he failed and became weak. His body limp with exhaustion, he backed up against the wall and slid on his side to the bathroom floor. He continued to cry at the thought of losing everything around him. He lost his mom, was pretty sure he lost his dad and friends, and now he started to lose himself.

'Oh, if there was any compassion in my dad, he would have gotten rid of me a long time ago. I wonder what it would be like to just continue vomiting until there's nothing left and just die right there.' Cam knew that he needed help, but every time he tried to ask for it, he backed away in shame and in fear of rejection. "I just want to be loved. I want to know what it's like to be cared for. I want to be someone else. I don't want to be me. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

He looked around, hoping that someone would come rushing out of thin air to help him and save him from his misery. However, he soon gave up, finally realizing that no one was going to help him. This made Cam, however humanely possible, sadder and his sobs became so strong, they wracked his entire body. While this happened, he looked down at the disfigured arms, still being able to see the recent scars through his bombardment of tears. In frustration, he started to scratch them, opening them up. This was a pitiful attempt at trying to let his emotions flow out.

After bleeding a while, he closed the wounds back up and continued to stare as sobs continued to shake his entire being. The scars represented how disfigured he was. He resorted to them for comfort. The scars were merely an outside representation of the ones that were implanted deep within his heart. If his heart was truly as covered in scars as his arm, it should have stopped beating a long time ago.

After an hour of crying, his emotions withdrew and Cam just laid on the floor. Not even wanting to get up, he curled his knees into himself as if he was a little child defending himself and tried his best to go to sleep, to become numb of all feeling. After moving around for a while, he resorted to the position he had, keeping himself warm.

"I might as well get used to it. After all, the only person who will be here for me is me."

* * *

Shane lay awake in his bed as well. Unaware of the pain Cam was feeling, he continued to stare up at the ceiling like he had been doing for the past two hours. He had to face it, Cam fainting was something that usually didn't happen if ever. Just the fact that he wasn't taking care of himself well enough to cause this was enough to keep him up.

'Oh Cam, what's wrong with you? I wish you could tell me so I can help. I care for you, my friend. I never want to see you in pain.' He went over in his mind what could be wrong, each more unlikely than the next. He knew that the only way to find out what's wrong with Cam was to ask him himself. He might as well give up.

'Tori is taking this hard too. It's as if she knows the exact pain he has. I wonder what's troubling her. And what about Kelly? She seemed shaken up a bit, and that's definitely not like her. Maybe I should give her a call. She's working late at Storm Chargers anyway setting up that new bike display.'

Just as the red ranger reached over to the phone, it began to ring. Not wanting his parents to wake up cranky, he quickly snatched the phone and put his ear to the receiver.

"Hello?" Shane said, confused as to who would call at night. "Shane." He knew that voice. "Kelly, is that you?" "Yes, it's me. Sorry if I woke you, I just need to talk to you. I would talk to the Bradleys, but I keep forgetting to ask for their phone numbers." Only slightly disappointed, Shane replied, "It's okay. Why do you need to talk to someone? Is something wrong?"

"No. Well, yes. I mean, I don't know. It's about Cam." Shane guessed that out in a second. "I know. I've been staying up all night thinking about him. I just can't believe what he's doing." "Wait, how did you find out?" Kelly asked with confusion.

"What do you mean how I found out? All of us heard Doctor Palmer say that Cam has been forgetting to take care of himself. That's very unlike him. What are you talking about?" "Um, that's why I called. Cam is…Cam is…" Shane urged on. "Cam is what?"

"I don't want to explain this over the phone. I want to explain this with Cam. Are you doing anything tomorrow?" "Not that I know of. Me and Dustin were planning to hang out for the day." "Good, is it possible you could come by the store with Cam?"

This made Shane immediately confused. "Of course, but what is this all about?" "I'll tell you tomorrow. I need Cam to hear this. Come by at about noon. Bye." That was the final word before she hung up. Shane looked into the receiver, hoping to find the answer as to what was going on. Putting it down gently, he dropped down into his bed, only slightly nervous as to meet Kelly tomorrow.

A/N: I hope that this chapter didn't disturb you too much. I also hope that I made it reasonably long so as to make up for my lacking skills. I have a stupid question to ask, so hear it goes.

DO YOU GUYS REALLY LIKE THIS STORY? I'm asking honestly. I know that since I am a former male anorexic, I should be able to put emotion in easily. It's just that I feel like what I'm doing is stupid when I read it. I guess every writer feels that way. I do hope I'm doing a good job conveying emotion to you guys. If you can respond to it.


	12. Revealing

A/N: Hey, Tyrant is back once again. Thank you so much who have been following my story. It's really helping me out with sorting through my emotions. I also would like to thank the reviewers for answering my rather stupid, yet necessary question. I needed to know that my story was actually getting through to people. The responses were very breath-taking for me. Thanks for all you guys have been giving me. Anyways, as I know that you all are anxiously awaiting the continuation, I'll just get on with it.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Twelve: Revealing

It was around 8 A.M. when Cam woke up from a very uncomfortable position from his bathroom floor. It was needless to say that he felt like hell. His body was in aching pain and numb from sleeping on the rough tiles, his throat was hurting from last night's purging episode, and the stress of it all gave the samurai a migraine.

'Maybe I should just sleep on the bed and quit doing this to myself,' the young man thought to himself. Of course, he was never going to follow this advice since it was his own. Slowly getting up, muttering an occasional 'uh' while trying to get his muscles to work again, he put his right arm and turned on the shower. 'Maybe it's just what I need.'

Walking out into his room, his eyes surveyed the area around him, trying to remember in detail what happened that night that made him sleep in his bathroom, something he usually did anyway. Cam felt like everything was his fault ever since his mom died; that was just part of his behavior. He used the cutting, purging, and starvation as a means of punishing himself. Along with them, he took to very little things like sleeping uncomfortably, putting himself down in words and actions, and isolating himself from the rest of civilization.

Currently his eyes were on the left side of the room. In his opinion, nothing weird appeared to have happened yet. Cam slowly turned his head as he looked to the right, and his gaze immediately fell onto the ruffled up bed with empty bags on it. Instantly, it was if his mind went back in time to the very moment. He could distinctly remember every step, every thought, every emotion, every tear, and unfortunately to him, every bite.

Several things swept up unexpectedly on Cam like a tidal wave. He was sad because he had become weak that night, frustrated at himself for not being able to stay strong, ashamed for the disgusting thing that he did, and alone because all of these events happened over the past few weeks, and no one ever came to help.

'Well, that's your own damn fault, Cam.' Secretly, he wanted to tell anyone who was around what he had been doing and ask for help. However, he never knew the right words to say, especially since they would probably have to be said to either the rangers or his dad.

His dad he ruled out immediately. 'I know that he is beating himself up over not being with me. I can see it in his eyes, no matter how small they are,' he thought in reference to sensei's current animal state. And though the rangers would probably be easier to talk to, there was no way that he could ever bring this subject up. 'What the hell am I supposed to do? Just go _Hey, it's your depressed friend, Cam. Listen, I need to tell you guys that I feel very lonely right now and I need help. I'm trying to make you guys listen to me by cutting and starving myself.'_

Cam knew that there had to be better ways of putting it, but he just didn't have the energy nor the confidence to go through them. Yes, the rangers might actually care and try to sort things out, but other things could happen too. They might care but probably will be afraid of me, or they could probably pretend to care out of complete boredom, or better yet, think him as someone trying to get attention and turn him out on the spot.

The truth was, he was punishing himself not only just to feel real, but to also try to speak to the rangers. He always felt like an outcast, and he always wanted to be appreciated, he just couldn't tell them up front. So Cam took to showing how he felt about himself by hurting himself, even though he knew it was wrong.

Trying not to cry on the spot since that would show weakness, Cam started back towards his bathroom which was probably steaming hot by now. Before he could reach the door of it, he heard several knocks at the other one. Wondering who would want to wake him up this early, he opened the door. There stood Shane, fidgeting a little as if something eventful was coming up.

"Shane, what are you doing here?" The red ranger didn't seem to be paying attention to him. He tried again, "Shane, what's going on? Are you alright?" This obviously worked as the visitor jumped up on his feet a little. He seemed to be staring at Cam now as if he was an exhibit at a zoo. The samurai could tell by the motions of Shane's eyes that he was surveying him, almost as if he was trying to find something wrong with him.

"YO, EARTH TO SHANE?" The ranger immediately jumped again, the second time he was taken from a daze. "You know, I'm starting to worry about you." Finally uttering out words, "I'm sorry Cam. I was just thinking about something." "Apparently. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but maybe you should try not thinking for once." Cam sarcastically said, chuckling at his joke.

The red ranger, however, didn't seem to even know that a joke was being made as his gaze became serious, but it also contained in Cam's imagination, concern. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." "What are you talking about? I was making a joke. You weren't doing anything wrong." "Oh, you were?" "Are you sure everything's alright?" Shane was about to say yes but quickly stopped himself. After the condition of Kelly's phone call last night, he wasn't sure what the hell was going on anymore.

"Uh, it's nothing. Listen Cam, there's a reason why I'm here." "Well I should hope so, otherwise I would think that you were crazy knocking on people's doors." "Well, it's not really my reason, it's Kelly's reason."

This startled the ranger by surprise. "Kelly." The red ranger merely nodded. "Storm Chargers Kelly?" Shane nodded again. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" Shane immediately responded, "Yes, she's okay. Actually, she is concerned about someone, namely you." This caught him by even further surprise. "Me? Why would she be concerned about me?"

For once, Shane didn't have a clear response. "For once, I don't know." "Oh, I get it. She's still worried about me from fainting yesterday. Well, you can tell her that everything's fine and that I'm taking good care of myself." "I told her that yesterday when she called last night about you. She said she's not worried about you particularly because of that." Cam started to become concerned as he wondered why Kelly would be worried about him that had nothing to do with fainting, and about the reason she called Shane to talk about him. "Well I don't see why she would be worried?"

And then, the samurai froze. 'No way…there's no possible way that she…I mean, how could she…there's no way she could have found…could it be possible?' "Cam, what's wrong?" He was startled out of his mind by his visitor leaning against the doorway. "Uh, nothing. I'm just confused as to why she would be concerned about my wellbeing." "I'd have to agree with you there. She even wants me and Dustin to take you to her at around noon today. Is there anything that you're doing that would concern her?"

Cam instantly became worried again as he wondered what Kelly could have found out. Trying to remain calm, he went on, "No. Not that I know of. But, if she wants to see me, I might as well go to her. Around noon, right?"

Shane, not full believing that nothing was wrong, confirmed it. "Yes, be ready at around 11:30 and we'll walk over. Are you sure there's nothing you wish to tell me." "No." "Okay then, see you at 11:30." And with one last surveying glance, he took off to meet Dustin.

Cam closed the door behind him, worrying over how Kelly could have found out. He continued rambling on his head for a few minutes, his heart beating wildly underneath his chest. Eventually, his worries mostly subsided. 'What am I worried about? There's no possible way that Kelly could have found out. I've hidden this from everyone so well. I think it still has to do with my fainting episode yesterday.' Feeling somewhat relieved, he continued to his bathroom.

Before entering, he slightly turned his head towards his bed and spotted the blade, his friend, sitting by itself half-hidden by the mattress of his bed. Deciding that it couldn't hurt (other than in the way that he wanted it too), he went over and picked up the beautiful object. "Hey. I really missed you, you know. I really need you right now. You're the only friend I have." Thrilled by the anticipation of what was to come, he held his savior in his hands as he entered his now sauna of a bathroom.

* * *

Dustin, Shane, and Cam walked on the slightly empty sidewalk heading over to Storm Chargers. Though the team usually had happy walks on these humid days in Blue Bay Harbor, the atmosphere around the three teens was very uncomfortable. Dustin, for an example, was feeling very confused right now. Shane had told him earlier in the afternoon on how Kelly was concerned on Cam for some reason and that she found out something about him. 'I know that there's something wrong with him. I just wish that he would tell us what it is. He's been worrying me for over a month now.' Though he usually never said it out loud, he looked up to him.

Dustin was the funny one of the group, the one who cheered everybody up and gave them a lightening mood to their day, even if it was at his own expense. Cam was the hardworking one, the one who made sure that everyone was on task and gave them a sense of strength and seriousness. Both these people usually had hidden clashes between themselves on what the team needed for the day. However, they always made a compromise in the end. Cam also didn't judge Dustin too quickly on the way he acted. Even with his sarcastic remarks now and then, Cam helped Dustin feel a sense of usefulness.

Dustin desperately wanted to help his samurai, and was very angry for not knowing what to do. 'At least now, we'll probably find out what's going on with my bro.' However, this did not lighten the mood, but rather darkened it. Whatever it was, it was bound to be serious. Now, the yellow ranger seemed to be in a fit of nervousness over the whole affair. And if he wasn't mistaken, that's what Shane felt.

Cam on the other hand, seemed very comfortable. After assuring to himself that there was no way Kelly could know much, and releasing any leftover feeling on his left arm, he seemed very happy to go along with the afternoon visit.

It was five past noon when the three friends entered Storm Chargers. They were very surprised to find that someone else was at the front register. Could this meeting be so serious, that she couldn't even handle her job today?

As if on cue, Kelly emerged from the back, looking flustered and obviously nervous about something. 'Great. You made it. I was beginning to wonder if Cam would come.' Both Shane and Dustin looked over at the third member of their party, utterly confused as to what Kelly was saying. They could tell that the green ranger was confused too, but in their opinion, he also seemed tense. 'Follow me guys. My office is in the back.'

Anxiously, the three quickly followed her into the back and went into her office area. They were surprised to find her chair of her desk sitting straight forward facing three more chairs neatly arranged facing front, one chair being slightly closer to the desk than the other two. Knowing that this conversation was going to be on Cam, everyone left the seat closer to the desk for him. With his stomach feeling like it was on a rollercoaster, Cam took the seat as Kelly got behind her desk facing them.

She seemed just as anxious as they were. After a few minutes of deafening silence, Kelly started up. 'As you all know, we're here to discuss someone.' She didn't even have to say who it was before all eyes went to Cam. 'What the hell is this? They're looking at me as if I had a second head growing out of my shoulder.' Cam began to move in his chair, clearly stating to everyone that he was scared.

"You all know that yesterday afternoon, Cam fainted on his way here." 'Well duh, everyone saw my lying on the ground.' The samurai started to get pretty upset as to how this whole thing was going. Shane and Dustin nodded their heads to this as if they're being reviewed facts for a trial. "Anyways, Doctor Palmer said that Cam had not been taking care of himself properly."

"Is that what this is about? Listen Kelly, I've just been busy with work and I was forgetting to treat myself well. But that's over now. I promise you that everyone is going to be okay now."

Before Kelly could say anything, Dustin interrupted. "It's true, Kelly. Cam seems genuinely honest. He's one of the healthiest people I know." Shane backed his friend up. "Yeah. I actually talked to Cam before coming here. He said that if this is about his faint yesterday to tell you that he's okay now."

"GUYS!" This got everyone's attention. "I'm sorry but will you please let me finish. Anyways, it's not about the fainting…however…I discovered a problem while Cam was unconscious." This perked up everyone's attention as they all listened in to what she had to say.

"Shane, don't you remember that while Dustin was holding his legs, you and me and everybody else were told to loosen Cam's clothing?" Shane and Dustin nodded at this. However, Cam started to become scared as he realized what article of clothing she could have been talking about.

Before talking, Kelly stared at Cam's left arm for a few seconds before continuing. This the samurai noticed, and he immediately began to sweat and covered up his arms, even though they were already covered by sweater sleeves.

"Anyways, I was loosening up his sweater. I was rolling up his sleeves…" "Oh, I'm sorry Kelly but I have to go." Cam said and he started to get up out of his chair before Kelly grabbed his arm. "No, Cam. Your friends have to know and you need help. Guys, can you help me?" Almost mechanically, Dustin and Shane got on a side of Cam and put one of their hands on his shoulders and the others on his side. This was to keep him still, but at the same time, supply comfort to him. However, Cam was far from being comforted.

"Anyways, I rolled up his sleeves and discovered…" "Kelly, please don't do this." Cam pleaded, who looked near tears. Sensing tense moments coming up, Dustin spoke up. "Kelly, could you just tell us what's going on?" Shane nodded in agreement.

"Okay. I'm sorry Cam, but this is for your own good." Kelly began to roll up his sleeve. "Wait, you don't have to do this, Kelly. I promise I'll stop. I'm in control of it. It just helps me a lot, but if you want me to stop, I will. Oh god Kelly, DON'T DO THIS!" Cam now let the tears roll freely down his face. As Dustin tried his best to wipe the tears from his face, Shane went, "Kelly, I think you need to tell us what's going on!"

"Guys, I need to tell and show you something. Cam's putting his life in jeopardy." This immediately concerned his friends. "I'm sorry, Cam"

"Oh god, no Kelly."

Slowly, she rolled up his left arm sleeve to reveal to the others what she saw. Immediately, both Shane and Dustin grabbed the same arm and ran their fingers across it. There was a bunch of straight, and slightly deep cuts along Cam's forearm and wrist. It was silent for a few moments as the two rangers just gawked in shock at Cam's forearm.

"Your friend, Cam, is cutting himself."

"NOOOOO!"

A/N: Hey, that's the end of chapter twelve. I am sorry for leaving it there, but it's 1:36 A.M. and I'm about to collapse on the keyboard itself. I promise to update ASAP. Don't hate me for living you hanging. Please review.


	13. Talks

A/N: THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, _pants, _THAT'S IT…and did I mention that this is it. I am so sick and tired of things happening to keep me from this story. Our computer was being a pain in the ass because it had spyware. It seems it has been on our computer for a long time and there were some indications of it. Now, it started going all out. I couldn't log in, I couldn't respond to emails, and some of the files we saved on our computer got lost. Thank god we called a repairman as soon as we did or I don't know what could have happened. Everything is okay now that we have a spyware and adware checker on our computer. I just feel so guilty for not updating. But I PROMISE IN BLOOD, or in all caps if you want to call it, that this will be the last obstacle for a while. Anyways, on to chapter 13.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter 13: Talks

"NOOOOO!" Cam, finally understanding now what he was in, yanked his arms free of Dustin and Shane. Covering up the scars on his arms, though useless since it was now out in the open, he took several seconds to look on at the three pairs of eyes set on him.

Dustin's reaction wasn't all that surprising. He looked like he was going to faint himself. Though familiar, the yellow ranger set before him wasn't very comfortable to be around. The light that usually shone in his eyes was now dull and faded. His mouth was open like a hooked fish, and his eyes now traveled to the floor as if it was the only thing that mattered. He was now shaking his head as if trying to justify all the things he heard and saw, but no answer came to him.

Cam was soon swallowed in guilt that was almost unbearable to have. It would kill him. He could sense the pain in Dustin, pain that he had caused. 'I knew it. I knew this would happen. God, stop looking like that. I can't stand it. That's one more person hurt by my existence.' He knew he had melodramatic thoughts, but this was how he really felt, 100.

"Cam, is this true?" a voice said which finally snapped Dustin out of his thoughts, though his piercing gaze now fell back onto Cam. Unable to stand it, the samurai shifted his view to Shane.

It was he who asked the question, and the question that everyone could see, was one that the red ranger really didn't want answered. He didn't need it answered, because he already knew it. And it was one he didn't want. He pretty much had the same expression as Dustin, although his eyes were more piercing as if trying to find the answer to the problem hidden deep within the samurai.

After several more stray drops fell down the ranger's face, his eyes fell over to Kelly behind the desk.

Immediately he was filled with rage. How could she do this? Kelly was supposed to be his friend, and now look what she did. The one control that Cam clung to now was known to practically everyone. Though tears continued to fall, his face became screwed up in a fury.

"You! How the hell could you do that?! You had no right at all! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Pretty soon, the distraught man screamed a low piercing scream and his hand immediately flung to the desk. Now, the two halves of it fell to the ground, surprising the two other rangers in the room. They weren't supposed to show any ranger strength in front of other people. Kelly, however, didn't seem surprised in the least.

"Cam, I'm sorry. I was just…" "SHUT YOUR TRAP, KELLY! THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO JUSTIFY WHAT YOU DID! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU."

He turned to leave, unknowingly tripping over a leg of a chair set for him. He, along with the chair, fell to the ground. All of a sudden, without having any control behind it, Cam wailed out the most emotional moan he ever made. No longer able to control what was going on inside him, he cried into his arms, trying to hide away from the world he was in.

None of the others had ever been in this situation for, and for the next few minutes, they just watched the shivering mess on the floor.

Kelly was the first one to get a hold of herself. Her eyes gazed around the room, desperately trying to find a way to get out of this. Though she knew what Cam was going through, being around him made her feel uncomfortable. She hated herself for thinking that.

'Cam, I am so sorry. I thought that I was going to help you by letting your friends know. Now, I think that I might have made it worse,' Kelly thought, mentally slapping herself for the way she handled this. She of all people should have known how delicate this was.

After looking to her sides, knowing that Dustin and Shane were still in shock, she decided to make the first move. Cautiously, she walked over to where the green-clad man was. He had his face in his forearms which were in the direction of the floor since he was lying on his stomach. Though Kelly couldn't see his face, he could tell that he was crying by the shivering of his body.

She reached a shaking hand out to Cam, slightly scared that she would soon be in the condition her _desk _was in. As the hand laid contact with his shoulder, the shivering of his body stopped and just laid there as if dead.

"Cam?" No response.

"Cam!" Still nothing.

Kelly was starting to get worried and for a few moments, she actually thought he was dead. "Cam? Please speak to me," Kelly pleaded. As she did, her gaze went onto the slight scars she had on her wrist. These permanent marks were always a reminder of what she went through. And now, to remember her past and to see a dear friend going through the same thing, she didn't know what to do. But she did know that she would try to help.

"Cam, please talk to me," Kelly said, surprised to see how close to tears she was. "Go away."

Surprised to hear the voice, she didn't even realized what he just said. "Cam, listen to me. I'm sorry. Truly I am. It's just that seeing you yesterday with…with…with them, I just…" "Go away," the deadly calm voice said in a hoarse whisper. "What?" Kelly asked, surprised at his reaction. "Didn't you hear me the first two times, go away." Kelly moved closer to Cam so that she could turn him over slightly. "Cam, I just…" "GO AWAY!"

Cam finally turned over on his back and sat up. "JUST GO AWAY, KELLY. I DON'T WANT TO SEE, TALK, OR BE WITH YOU EVER." "You don't mean that." "YES, I DO. I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY!" Cam started to back away to the wall nearest him. It was so weird for the others to see. Cam was the serious one, the one that didn't let anything get him down, the one that kept everyone in check, the one who never backed away from anything. The one before him was not their Cam. They weren't comfortable with this one.

'I can't believe it. There's no way this could be happening. I refuse to believe this. I bet it's Cyber Cam making a joke,' Dustin thought to himself, knowing already that this wasn't the case. Cam, a cutter? Of course he would have trouble believing in it. 'I mean, this is Cam. This can't be happening to him. Stuff like this doesn't happen to people like Cam. They just don't,' he continued on. No matter how many reasons he came up with, not a single one calmed his nervousness. 'Oh god, this is happening. But it can't happen.'

Shane's thoughts were almost the same. 'Cam, what happened to you? I just don't understand this. How could you let this happen? What happened to my Cam?' He couldn't help but think this. Cam was one of his best friends who seemed to be the one who could conquer the world if needed. But to see him cowering like a little boy, screaming at Kelly to go away, and to know that he was harming himself, was enough to breakaway his strength. Just seeing Cam crying was enough to bring him to tears too.

Determined not to give up, Kelly again put her hand on Cam's right shoulder. Though he didn't want it there, he was too exhausted to push it away. He was forced to just hang his head. Kelly held his chin and brought his face to hers. Though they were level, Cam continued to stare down at the floor before her.

"Cam, look at me." No reaction. "Cam, please." Again, no reaction. "Cam, please look at me. I know you're mad at me right now, but please just hear me out."

Unable to block out the emotion in her voice, the samurai finally lifted his eyes to stare at Kelly's. She almost fainted at the look in them. "Cam, I'm truly sorry. Honest to God, I am. I know I could have thought of a better way to handle this, and I don't know if I can stop thinking about what I could have done. But you don't know how it felt to see a close friend in pain. I just wanted to stop it. I just wanted you to stop hurting yourself."

Hearing that, Cam immediately put up his guard. He knew that it would probably be a miracle to convince them that it was a mistake, especially after that huge fit he just had. But the ranger was more than willing to give it a shot. "I don't know what you're talking about."

This surprised all three of the spectators. How could Cam not know what they were talking about? 'Of course, he's trying to convince us nothing's wrong,' all three of them thought at once. No, they were not going to give in. "I think you know what Kelly's talking about," Dustin said sadly.

'Oh no, not you Dustin.' "I honestly don't know. There's nothing wrong with me." Shane joined in, "Cam, there is. Kelly told us what you are doing. We saw your wrists." 'Great Kelly. You put them against me. You happy?' "What do you mean, Shane?"

'Oh, we're not stupid and you're not making this any easier.' "Cam, I know you're cutting yourself," Kelly informed. At this, Cam laughed as best as he could, but everyone could tell that it was an empty laugh. "What are you talking about? I don't cut myself. Are you guys playing a joke?"

All three looked at each other. They knew that he was trying to pull this off as a joke and a misassumption, but they knew better. However, seeing the samurai like this wasn't very comforting. In fact, it was saddening and depressing. "Cam, you're not making this any easier." Dustin said. "Dustin, come off it. That's because there's nothing to be made easier. There's nothing wrong. I am certainly not cutting myself."

"Then why did you break down when I said you did?" For once, Cam was silent. "Listen, I know those cuts on your arms are from you." "No, they're not."

"Oh, Cam…" "Don't _oh, Cam _me? They are not from me." "Then how did you get those cuts on your arms?" Shane asked in an almost sarcastic tone. In all honesty, the question was a genuine one to him. 'Maybe this is all a joke. There's probably a logical explanation for all this.' "An alley cat scratched me. That's all." 'Maybe not.'

"Cam, you know that's not true." "Yes it is. You feed alley cats yourself. You know how they can be." "Yes, but I never heard of a single cat scratching someone that many times before leaving. "I didn't say it was a single one." "You said that an alley cat scratched you." "More than one scratched me." "So why didn't you say _cats _then?" "What are you an English teacher?" "No, I'm just curious."

Cam was not doing a very good job of covering up. "Some of the scratches also came from tree branches. Shane and Dustin will both back me up. I do meditation and some deep thinking up in them. Both have been with me. Didn't I fall off and cut myself on those branches?"

"Yes Cam, but that was a while ago. And besides, if you fell recently, there would be bruises and cuts on your legs too." Dustin said. Instinctively, Kelly rolled up Cam's pant legs and saw no cuts. "Kelly, what the hell are you doing?" "Just checking." "Well STOP!" The whole room seemed to flinch at his voice.

"And besides, those cuts are too straight and to organized for them to be jagged cuts of tree branches." "Well Shane, I didn't know you were also a Sherlock Holmes during your free time," Cam said with sarcasm and anger.

"Cam, stop avoiding the subject. You know that you're cutting yourself." "I don't know anything about it. Besides, what makes you say that these cuts are from myself?"

'Well, I guess that I'm going to have to show him.' Kelly reached her arm out to the man. "Look at my wrists." "Why would I look at…" Cam managed to get out. He was a good observer and what he saw on Kelly's wrists was surprising. He could see faint outlines of scars along them. If a person looked carefully, you would find some along the forearm too. "You?" "Yes, Cam. I used to cut, too."

"WHAT?" Dustin and Shane yelled in shock. "Guys, I'll explain later. Right now, we need to help Cam."

"Help me with what?" Cam asked, determined to somehow get out of the situation. "Cam, you can't possibly compare my scars with yours and still think that you can convince me otherwise of what you are doing." He thought of this for what seemed like an eternity and finally realized that Kelly was right, no matter how much he wanted her not to be. There was no use in denying it.

"Okay, I cut. You happy, guys. I cut my wrists. You finally got it out of me. I mean after your third-degree interrogations, it was only a while before I cracked. I, Cam Watanabe, am a cutter. Now that you guys know, you can finally leave me. You probably don't want to hang out with me and probably will try to make me feel better, so why don't we just skip to the you guys leave part and then we can save ourselves lots of grief. GO AHEAD, LEAVE!. I DON'T CARE!" Cam said, getting as much off his chest as he could before they did. They were bound to once they figured out his little habit.

Several seconds went by which quickly turned into minutes. The deafening quiet was too much for anyone to manage. Each was thinking different things that seemed to keep repeating in their heads. Dustin was still thinking on how Cam could do this, Shane kept thinking on how Kelly kept her cutting a secret, Kelly was wondering how to explain her past problem to everyone, and Cam was wondering why the others didn't leave. Curiosity was killing him.

"Guys?" All three pairs of eyes went to him, once again putting him in the unnecessary spotlight. "Why are you still here?" "What do you mean, Cam?" Shane asked with concern and genuine confusion. "Well, aren't you going to leave?" "Why would we do that?" "Guys, look what I'm doing. You must think I'm horrible and disgusting."

Kelly was the first to respond. "Cam, I would never leave you. And I don't think you are disgusting or horrible either? I did go through this. I should have a better understanding out of everyone on how you feel. I want to help you."

"So do I, Cam," Dustin said. "I hate seeing you like this. I know that I just found out, but I know I don't like this. I won't leave." "I won't either," Shane continued. "We all want to help you, but there's really nothing we can do until you admit this to yourself."

The samurai though this over for a few minutes. It didn't take him that long to realize that every word that was uttered from their mouths was true. However, he never admitted it to anyone. He was scared 1) because he was scared of what they would do, 2) because of what they would think, and 3) because they might try to stop him. He didn't want that right now.

"Okay. I do cut. I finally admitted it to people. I do cut. But, I don't see the big deal. I mean, it's not really doing that much harm. And, it's really helping me when nothing else does. I can't explain it, but cutting is a part of me. I can't just give it up. But don't worry. I can stop when I want to. I have full control over my urges. I just really need this right now."

Dustin and Shane stood there once again in shock. They couldn't imagine how something like this could really help people. They were further surprised to hear that Cam needed it because nothing else worked for him. What was that supposed to mean?

"Cam, like I said, I've done this. I know what you are going through. I felt the exact same way. I felt that cutting wasn't a big deal and that I could control my urges. And yes, I had to admit it did feel like it was helping. But Cam, you have to understand that the more you do this, the more control you lose. Pretty soon, I gave in to every single little urge I had. And that's going to happen to you. Cutting just adds to the pain. It becomes an addiction, like smoking. And Cam, pretty soon, what you're doing is not going to be enough. You'll start cutting more often, deeper, and longer. It's going to become a cycle. Pretty soon, you're bound to make a mistake doing this that could cost you your life."

Cam thought about this for a few minutes. He so wanted to accept and listen to everything Kelly was saying. But how could he? He depended on his blade to help him. It was the only thing that did. How could he just give it up? Pretty soon, he started to get angry again at what Kelly was trying to do.

"What do you care, Kelly? You did this in the past. I'm doing it right now. I need it. This is the only thing that rids me of everything I face. And I just can't believe the things you said about going to cut deeper and longer. That won't happen. I have control. There's no way I'm going to kill myself. But let's just say that did happen. I wouldn't be bothering people anymore. Face it guys, you feel uncomfortable around me. If I died, you would no longer have to feel uncomfortable. You'd be worry-free. And Lothor would finally be rid of his pest. And I no longer would have the pressure of being a power ranger. Basically, dying isn't that bad for me."

The two other rangers stared at Cam in amazement. He had just said that if he died, he would be happy. How could he think that his death would be good? They needed him. He was a friend and a family member. How could he think that?

Also, he had just revealed that he was a power ranger to someone. What would happen now?

Strangely, Kelly turned her head around and said, "I know Cam's the green ranger. And I know that you and Dustin are the red and yellow rangers." "How?" They both exclaimed at once. "Guys, if you want to keep your identity secret, you need to start wearing different colors. Besides, every time the rangers appear, your nowhere in sight. And then, every time they disappear, you reappear, most of the time near the battle scenes. I just put two and two together." Both Shane and Dustin silently laughed at this. Kelly was right. They always did have a thing for their color in everything. Maybe it was a side-effect. Their silent laughing was crushed by Cam, who obviously didn't care about it.

"Listen. You think that your death would be a solution to everything. I have to admit, I felt the same way. But that couldn't be further than the truth. Right guys?"

"Yes," said Dustin. "We care about you, Cam. We never want to see you get hurt. I don't know how you got to thinking this way, but I'm determined to make you stop," he said with genuine sympathy and truth. "Dustin's right. How could you seriously think that we wouldn't care. You say that you're a bother, but you're not. Everyone is a bother once in a while. That's life. But I know that you are definitely not a bother. You're my teammate and friend. I'm always going to be here for you."

"You're surrounded by people who care for you, Cam. You have to understand that this is not helping at all. Cutting yourself is distancing yourself from your friends. You have to get that. Please, just let us help you. I don't want to see you like this anymore," Kelly finished off with a tear.

Cam's eyes were filled with unshed water. Could these people really care about him? Could they actually, seriously, and passionately care. He so wanted to believe that. But the thought of giving up his blade, his friend, was too much.

"Listen guys, I know you care. But, I really need this right now. Okay? I know you guys mean well, but I seriously have things under control. Don't worry."

They couldn't believe this. After all that, Cam was still hesitating. This was going to be tougher than they thought. Cam was getting up from the wall and was heading towards the door when Shane spoke up.

"Cam, you know that sooner or later, you're father will have to know." This stopped Cam dead in his tracks. "He needs to understand what you're going through and…" "No, please don't," Cam said, tears now falling. "Oh please don't tell him. I'll do anything. Please, don't tell him. If you do, he's going to think that I'm some weak, crazy, and stupid son. I don't want him to think of me that way." Cam was now in hysterics. "You seriously wouldn't consider doing that. Shane, can't you understand? He's not going to love me anymore if he finds out. Please, don't tell him."

"How could you say that he won't love you. He does love you, more than you know. And he won't think of you as crazy or stupid. As for weak, you're just human. All humans have their weaknesses. He would only want you to get better and he can help."

"No. Please. Can we work something out? I really don't have to tell him, do I? You don't have to tell him. We can settle this without him," Cam said, now shaking from head to toe.

"I have to agree with Shane. He needs to know _eventually._ I truly think that it would be for the best."

Cam couldn't believe this. His father had to know? What would he say? What would he do? 'Oh god, he's going to disown me. I won't have anyone anymore. He's not going to love me. He's going to hate me. I'll be alone,' the samurai thought. With tears falling fast, he fled out of the room.

"Cam?!" all three said in unison. Where was he going? "Dustin, stay here and talk with Kelly. I'll go after Cam." With a quick nod, he also sped out of the room. Doing a quick survey of the hallway, he made his way to the main area of the shop. He checked everywhere.

Afterwards, he went out of Storm Chargers and checked the sidewalks and streets. With no sighting of him, he went back to town and checked as many restaurants, stores, and shops as he could. He was starting to get worried. Where could he have gone?

Shane nervously sat on the sidewalk and thumped his foot against the rough street. "Okay, if I was Cam, where would I go to be alone? Oh, duh." With a quick dash into an empty park, he ninja streaked all the way to the portal to Ninja Ops. Hurrying, he went through, went down the stairs into Ops, searched the area, went down the hallway, and stood outside his room. Before he opened the door, he heard a sharp wince coming from someone inside.

Instead of rushing through, he slowly opened the door to see what was going on. When about half of his face could fill the space between the door and doorframe, Shane froze at what he saw.

Sitting on the edge of the bed was Cam, with a blade in his hand. He had just finished a cut and was starting on the second. He could see the faint blood trails seeping down his arm. What scared Shane the most was Cam's eyes. He was watching the cuts seeping red liquid down his arm, and Cam looked calm and amused. That was it.

Shane quickly opened the door and Cam stopped what he was doing. Like the conversation with Kelly, the room was filled with silence. The red ranger's eyes were solely on Cam, while his eyes went from Shane, to the blade, to his cut, to the blood flow, and then back.

"Shane, what are you doing here?" asked Cam with a frighteningly flat voice. "I came looking for you. You worried me, Dustin, and Kelly to death," Shane said, shaking all over. He had just saw what Kelly had discovered. He had no idea that it would leave a fresh vision in his mind. Oh god, he had no idea how horrible it was.

"I'm sorry, Shane. I didn't mean to worry you. But I think you should have just let me be alone for a while."

Shane gripped Cam's hand gently, took the blade with the tips of his fingers, and threw it on the bed. He then led him to the bathroom, where he began to was the cuts.

The whole time, Shane kept looking at Cam's face. He had never seen it so blank before. He wanted the old Cam back. He missed him. Shane couldn't help it. He began to silent sob to himself, and it felt new and weird to him to do that. He never really sobbed that much, but this situation was an exception.

"I'm sorry, Cam." "What on earth for?" he asked with complete confusion. "I was looking at you out the door. I shouldn't have done that. I should have stopped you the moment I saw you."

The cuts were now washed, and Cam and Shane stood facing each other. "Shane, I probably would have done it anyway." "What you did was scary to me. I didn't like it," the red ranger said openly. "I know, and I'm sorry," Cam said guiltily. "Please promise me you won't do it again."

There was a few minutes of silence. Cam desperately wanted to promise, but how could he do that now? There was no way. "Cam, please promise me."

Not knowing what to do, the samurai began to leave the bathroom. "Cam, where are you going?" Shane followed and stopped outside the door. "Cam, promise me?"

He was almost to the hallway. "Cam, why aren't you saying anything?"

He turned and went out of sight. "Cam, please promise me!"

And all he got in response was silence.

A/N: Well, finally updated huh. I SWEAR IN BLOOD, or caps, that the spyware thing will be the last obstacle for a while. Anyways, I hoped you liked the reasonable long chapter. See y'all, read and review, and I promise IN CAPS, that I will update A.S.A.P.


	14. Conversations

A/N: Hey, tyrant here. Again another chapter. Writing this is getting more difficult to do, not just emotionally, but also since my dad's been working at home and takes up the computer a lot. I guess I'll have to manage. On to chapter 14.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Fourteen: Conversations

"I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!"

"Kelly, just calm d…" "I WON'T! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! YOU JUST CAN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO CAM, ESPECIALLY NOW!"

Dustin, after trying to soothe Kelly numerous times, decided to let her fume for a few minutes. Right now, she looked like she was going to destroy everything in sight. Though he wanted to tell her that she did the best she could, the yellow ranger couldn't help but feel that what she did wasn't the brightest thing to do.

While Kelly continued to stomp around the room, probably drilling holes into the floor and the earth below, Dustin took the time to think of everything that just happened in the last half hour. Cam, one of the best friends to ever come his way, was hurting himself, probably in more ways than one. That was just a theory, but was supported by his sleep-deprived look and his fainting yesterday. It was all too much to take.

'I can't believe it. I mean, it's Cam. Cam, one of the strongest people in the world. How did this happen? Did I do something? If I did, I don't think I can forgive myself. Did the others do something to make him…to make him…to make him do what he's doing.' Dustin couldn't even say the problem, and he didn't feel ashamed.

"Kelly, just stop with the fuming. Wearing holes into the ground isn't going to help Cam. I have to admit, what you did wasn't the smartest thing to do. Though I probably would've done the same thing, I can't justify it. However, you said to him that you wanted to help him. You still can."

Finally, she decided to stop pacing, although she was still pissed at herself for what she did. I mean, she was a cutter herself. She never forgot how she felt. Kelly just thought that exposing Cam's problem, like what happened to her, would help come up with a solution. 'But you can't just do something like that. Now who knows what Cam will do.'

"Kelly, snap out of it." She wasn't even aware of Dustin lightly slapping her face. "I'm fine Dustin," she said, mechanically moving away from his still moving hand. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Anyways, what are we going to do?" he asked, eagerly awaiting any solution to undertake. "I honestly don't know." His eagerness fell.

"I mean, I know what he's going through so I should be able to help, right?" No response from Dustin. "I mean, I should have known that this was not the way to go, right?"

Again, no response from him.

"Dustin, are you okay?" she asked, preparing to also initiate the slap-to-the-face method. "Oh, sorry." "Is something wrong, Dustin?" "No, why would there be?" "Well, come on, you just found out some shocking info and you're telling me that you are not affected one bit?"

How could she even suggest that? "What do you mean it didn't affect me? You shouldn't even be sarcastic about that! Cam is one of the best friends that ever came my way, and I care deeply for him! Do you know what me and the gang have been facing everyday for the past couple of weeks?

Kelly shook her hand, worrying what Dustin was going to do if his anger got out of control, while wondering what he was talking about. "I didn't even know then either. But now I do. Yes, I know he's hurting himself, but in more ways than you can possibly think of," he stated, not even remembering how everything he was saying was only mere guesses, no matter how plausible they were.

"Everyday, we kept seeing Cam deteriorating at a fast rate. Everyday, it looked as if the very life of him was going away. Do you know what that does to a person? Do you know how much it hurts to see someone you care about wasting before you?"

Now she was starting to get scared. Dustin was talking like Cam was dying and could die anytime soon. Kelly knew that Cam would never kill himself. At least…not intentionally…at least…that's what she thought. Also, she wanted so much to believe that the green ranger was going to be okay soon. However, that belief never came to her.

"I should've seen it. The dark bags, the collapsing yesterday, the weight loss which I just noticed, the dimming of his eyes, the lonely gaits he had. I should've seen it. Now look what's happened. It's all my fault." The anger that was stirring inside him like a storm was started to subside. However, the guilt and shame that replaced it was not any better.

"What do you mean that it was your fault?! There was absolutely no way you could've known what he was doing."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Dustin yelled, starting to lose all his strength and emotional control. "You should have seen him the way the rest of us were seeing him. He never wanted to hang out with us, the energy he had began to diminish right before us, he obviously wasn't feeding himself properly because I could see the scrawniness, and now what happened next. I should have talked to someone earlier, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. CAM'S LIKE THIS BECAUSE OF ME!! The yellow ranger began to shake, as everything was overcoming him.

"YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE!" "COME OFF IT, KELLY. I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!"

He backed up towards the chair that was set for him and collapsed onto it as if everything bottled up became an anchor, holding him down. Completely helpless, the ranger lowered his gaze to the floor below.

Kelly silently approached him, afraid that the slightest noise would cause him to run away, and she placed a hand on his back and rubbed comforting circles on it.

"Dustin, you're not responsible for this. I saw those marks on his wrists, and some of them were over a few weeks old. This process probably started at the same time that everything else did. Not only that, but I'm willing to bet you that you and your friends thought that you were helping Cam, right?"

Although he still felt guilty for everything, he had to admit that he thought that just talking to him and making him a part of everything would help rid him of whatever was picking at him. He slowly nodded his head to verify Kelly's insinuation, but quickly fixed his gaze back onto the floor.

"But it doesn't make a difference. The fact of the matter is that I kept all of this a secret, and that just lead to the continuation of this…this… you know," he said, still uncomfortable with the words as well as the whole situation."

"Kept what a secret, Dustin? The fact that Cam didn't look well? Most people would pass it off. Besides, you had no idea what was going on."

"But I should've…" "Enough, Dustin. I can't stand listening to this. Now you better listen good to this Dustin!

He just sat in his chair, unmoving and totally ignoring everything around him. "DUSTIN 'WALDO' BROOKS, YOU BETTER LOOK AT ME!" This immediately caught his attention.

After calming down for a few minutes, she went on with her lecture. "Listen, you have to understand that this is not your fault. I've been through what he's going through right now, and I've seen too many people like you blame themselves for it. You tried to help Cam and you didn't even know what to help with. That's a sign of a true friend. I've seen how caring you were when Cam fainted. I honestly can't believe that someone like that could ever cause something so horrible. Right now, who knows why Cam is cutting and starving and whatever. Personally, I was a cutter, and not even I could come up with a definite reason for it. But I did know that it was with all my feelings. It wasn't anybody's fault, not even mine. It's just all in my head and my emotions, and how I found a way to cope, which just happened to be an unhealthy way. Cam is obviously feeling this way, but it's not his fault. And it's not yours. Do you understand me?"

Dustin just sat there for a few minutes, pondering all that he had just heard. Somewhere, he knew that it wasn't his fault. He was just trying to help in anyway that he could. How was he supposed to know what was going on? However, finally realizing this did not ease the guilt inside him. Guilt is a very difficult thing to get rid of. But since he knew it had to be true, and to get the talk back onto Cam and not himself, he silently nodded his head.

Kelly, grateful for Dustin's change, gave him a swift hug which he graciously excepted. Sometime during all this, they both broke down, and they didn't even have a definite reason why. They just knew that they needed to right now.

After a while, they both got off of each other and quickly wiped away the tears in an effort to cover the whole thing up, not even knowing it was useless.

"I'm sorry for taking up time when we should…" "Hey, don't start again. You needed this. No harm done."

"Except to Cam. I just can't believe it, and there's still a part of me that refuses to believe it."

"Well, that's going to have to stop and you have to realize that Cam has a problem before you can help." "I know that I have to accept it, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"I personally would think you crazy and sick if you did. Well, to tell you beforehand, I don't think we should get any psychiatrists and doctors in this yet."

This shocked the ranger. "Why not?" "Because he's very fragile at this stage. If we include people in here now, Cam's going to definitely withdraw, probably forever. We need Cam to see that he has a problem. Deep down, he knows he does, he's just afraid to admit it. I need you and the rest to be there for him."

"You can count on me. But, do I have to tell the rest about what happened? I mean, I know that the guinea pig has to know and…" "The guinea pig?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I meant his dad." "How the hell did you confuse his dad to guinea pig?" "I didn't." "Ooookkkaay." "Oops, forgot to tell you. Cam's father is a guinea pig."

"………Excuse me?" "Well, let's go into that later because it's a very long story." "I can't wait to hear this."

"Anyways, I know that his dad has to know, but since you said that we don't want to include people in this, maybe we should keep Cam's condition a secret from the others until then."

"I guess we could, but they'll have to know eventually," Kelly said. I mean, you can't expect us to keep something like this a secret forever. And, I think that Cam needs someone to talk to about this." "But I thought you just said that you didn't want people involved yet."

"I did, but that doesn't mean we can't talk to him," Kelly stated. "I really don't know much about talking on this subject, and personally, I don't think I would be comfortable with it."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him. Just consider me a psychiatrist to him every week. You and Shane could be there for moral support. No doubt Cam is going to need it."

Dustin pondered this for a little bit. Counseling sessions of their own? Would it work? There was only one way to find out. "Count me in, Kelly. Whatever it takes to help him, I'll do it."

Immediately, both their faces brightened up, not considerably, but enough to be comforting. "Great. Well, tell Shane about this and try to get Cam to accompany you next Friday."

"It won't be easy, Kelly. Cam is a very stubborn person."

"Well, we'll have to find a way of getting around that." "Don't worry, you can count one me."

Dustin rose out of his chair and shook Kelly's hand, as if to seal the deal. "I'll talk with Shane when I find him and we'll both get Cam to accompany us next Friday. However, I'm not promising anything."

"I know. All you can promise is your best. Good luck."

With a final hug between them, Dustin moved towards the exit. It was when his hand was on the handle when he stopped. "Uh, Kelly?"

"Yes, Dustin." "Um, forgive me for asking this. You don't have to if you don't want to. I'll totally understand."

"What's the question?"

"How long did you…did you…well…you know?" Kelly was confused as to what Dustin was trying to say, only for a few minutes though. When she realized what he was speaking of, her face immediately turned into a frown.

"I started when I was 13 and with some help and a few on and offs in the works, I completely stopped at 17." 'Man, four years of that? I wouldn't stand it.'

"Do you think you can tell me how you felt then and what you did?" "I can't answer those questions yet, Dustin. I need time. I may have stopped, but it's still a touchy subject for me."

"It's okay, Kelly. Sorry for bringing it up." "No, no, no Dustin. If our roles were switched, I probably would have asked the same things. I'll tell you sometime, alright? Just not right now."

"I understand, Kelly." After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Dustin finally opened the door and left. In the room, Kelly stood still, thinking about Cam, his scars, her scars, and the questions that Dustin asked. It was all too much to take in one day.

It was only when the door was completely closed and Dustin was away from Storm Chargers that Kelly finally moved. She sat in the chair where the yellow ranger was sitting, and had one of the biggest cries of her life.

* * *

"Cam, please promise me!" Cam was out of Shane's sight, heading out of Ninja Ops. "Wait, Cam. Please come back. You can talk to me, you know that?" No response. 

"DAMN IT!" "Shane?"

The red ranger swung around in surprise and stared at the small guinea pig before him.

"Is something wrong?" "Uh…no Sensei…um…everything's fine." 'Smooth, Shane. Real smooth."

Mr. Watanabe stayed silent for a few minutes, wondering about the scene he had just witnessed. It was clear to him that Shane was keeping something from him. Normally, he would have done some famous mind trick on him to get him to talk freely and comfortably, but this was his son. And that son just happened to be the one he was most worried about. "I don't mean to doubt you or anything, but I think you're lying."

That was a weird thing to say, especially from Sensei. "Wh...what do you mean?"

"I heard you screaming at Cam to promise you something and I saw him storm out. Did you guys have a fight?" "WHAT?! NO! It's just that…it's just that…"

"It's just what, Shane."

The red ranger tried to think of any excuse to get him out of this, but he came up with nothing. He was considering running away when he remembered what he had said to Cam himself back at Storm Chargers. 'Cam, you know that sooner or later, your father will have to know.' He might as well tell him now.

"Sensei, I have to tell you something." This was not going to be pleasant.

'Why does life have to be so complicated?'

A/N: Well, that's the end of Chapter 14. Like you usually do, read and review. I kept reading this chapter over and over again, and I couldn't stop myself from saying that it sucked. No matter how I wrote it, it came out weird to me. Perhaps doubting writing this story is just a phase that will eventually go away. My friends actually convinced me to write as a way of channeling my emotions out, so I know that this will pass. So far, writing has definitely been a HEALTHY way of coping. I really hope this story turns out good in the end. Why am I babbling? Sorry. Anyways, review me, and I'll update as soon as I can.

L8ER


	15. Eavesdroppings

A/N: Hey, another chapter. I'm getting very pleased with myself. However, I'm a little lost. Everyone that I know says that the hardest part of writing a story is just starting it. I have to admit that the introduction is hard, but compared to what I'm going through, it's not the hardest thing. The more I put into the chapters, the more I question my typing. I read it to see if I am conveying the right emotions and messages, but I always feel like I'm not doing it right, even when I keep thinking about it over and over. Then, when I send in the continuations, I always get like 100 different ways I can continue, and I have a hard time deciding. Then, when I choose one, I try to figure out how to incorporate it into the plot and scenes that have already played out. If it doesn't work out, I usually go through 20 choices before I get to one that does works. And then, when I find it, I all of a sudden get 100 new ways to continue after that. And so repeats the annoying cycle of story writing. But anyways, why are all of you listening to me? It's the story you want. Here it is, and I hope you enjoy it.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Fifteen: Eavesdroppings

"Cam, please promise me!" That was the last thing Cam heard before going out of Ninja Ops. After exiting, he just stood in the silence of the environment for a couple of seconds. At once, thoughts entered his head, all faster than the speed of light.

'I can't believe this! How dare Shane get up in business that is mine to know and expect to control it! I knew that being in the position of leader would fuck up his brain! He has no right to do this! I hate him! I hate Dustin! I hate Kelly! I hate everyone!'

"I HATE EVERYONE!" Cam yelled out in unison with his last thought, furiously grasping his head with his hands. This shocked him back into reality. Hoping no one heard, the samurai surveyed the surrounding woods with an analyzing gaze, as if expecting the trees to have heard what he yelled.

After another few seconds of silence, he underwent a drastic mood change. Instead of the anger being targeted at others, it now targeted himself.

'What the hell am I mad at the others anyway? It's not their fault I'm fucked up! I brought this all on myself. Of course people would find out. It's obvious to see. Now look what I've done. Now everyone's putting up a front. Now everyone's going to know, and they're going to pretend to care to make me feel better. I know, deep inside my heart, that I could burn in hell and no one would care!'

The strange thing about all this was that instead of getting angry at the others for leading him to a false sense of kindness, he was feeling guilty. He still wanted to be liked by these people deep down somewhere else in his heart, and he felt guilty for making the others waste energy on his pathetic self. Now, any chance of friendship with them was gone.

Cam stood still for a little bit, pondering on what he was going to do now. Well, keeping all of his problems a secret was out of the window now. Again, a debate was held within him, a debate that usually always happened during tense situations like this.

'_Maybe you should just come clean to the others, including your dad. I mean, what can go wrong? Shane, Dustin, and Kelly found out, and their reactions were not what you expected. They actually seem to care about what's happening to you. Can you honestly tell yourself that they are not friends after looking into their eyes when they found out? Could you honestly say that they're just faking?'_

Now, it was the opponent's speech. **'Maybe you should runaway. Look at what's happened to you now. You're miserable, pathetic, weak, and now other people know what you are truly like. You know that Shane, Dustin, and Kelly don't care. They all feel sorry for you. How did you expect for them to react to this? They're putting you on to make you feel better. Can you honestly say that they care when you know the truth? Can you honestly say that they are your friends?'**

"OH GOD, JUST SHUTUP BOTH OF YOU!" Okay, now he was worried. Maybe he was crazy. Here he was, alone, yelling at his inner selves to shutup. 'I really am pathetic."

It took him a few moments to calm himself down. 'Maybe I should talk to Shane. I might as well apologize for the hell I've put him through.' He didn't even notice how he didn't put promising anything into it. Cam kept scrutinizing the situation, and he couldn't help but feel responsible for how Shane was acting.

Cam went through the entrance back inside, and was just about to rush in, when he heard a conversation happening between the red ranger and his dad below.

"Shane, whatever you are trying to say, feel free to say it. I consider myself your friend, Shane." Cam couldn't help but flinch in anger at that. His dad had never said anything like that to him, ever since his mother died. 'Was he only pretending to love me to make my mother happy?' He couldn't help but feel this way. As a child, he really wasn't shown enough love to suit him. For some reason, he always felt like everyone hated him. Standard adolescence stuff. However, this feeling had been with him his whole life.

"Sensei, it's not that difficult to say. You see…well…Dustin and I…"

What was he going to say?

"Shane, what's wrong with Cam?"

"I still don't quite know the full situation, Sensei."

Uh-oh. Now, the samurai knew what he was talking about. 'I can't let Dad know. NO, I REFUSE TO LET HIM KNOW.' But what was he to do? He had no plan, but he knew he had to stop him at all costs.

Without thinking, Cam rushed down into the main area of Ninja Ops and interrupted the entire conversation. In what he hoped to be very good acting, Cam went, "Shane, there's something urgent I need to discuss with you!"

Being the leader, Shane was immediately concerned. "What is it, Cam?"

"Quick, come with me!" Shane didn't even think that Cam could have been eavesdropping and immediately followed him. "Don't worry, Sensei. We'll continue with this later."

As quick as the speed of sound, the two ran up the stairs, leaving a very confused Sensei behind. "Oh Cam, what's going on with you? I can't shake the feeling, and I now it sounds ridiculous but," He swallowed, not really wanting to say it but couldn't help it, "but I feel like I'm losing you. Right now, I don't know what to do, and I can't stop thinking that you're going away. Maybe not physically, but by how you're looking and probably feeling, you might as well be. I never want that to happen."

He continued on with his conversation, even though his son wasn't there to hear it. 'I know that you were forced to grow up when my wife died. I can't help but cry every time I think of it. I was just like you. I thought that since she was dead, that the whole world would stop spinning. But I realized that it didn't. You keep on going. But for you, I think it's still at a standstill. GOD, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST COME TO ME, LIKE YOU USED TO! You're the only thing I have and really need left.'

Sensei soon started to shake with untold emotion. 'I don't know what's going on, but I want it to stop. God, please help him. If I lose him, I couldn't livewith myself. Sure, the rangers are great and I thank you everyday for letting me get to know them, but they can never replace my beloved son. I love him so much.' He said the last sentence to himself with 100sincerity, maybe more. "If I lose him, physically or emotionally, my spirit, soul, heart, and everything else I'm made up of will go with him.

* * *

The two probably ran for about 5 minutes before Cam halted Shane. "Alright, what's the emergency?' 

"What the hell were you thinking! How could you even begin to tell Sensei now!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" It took a while, but Shane finally got the message.

"Look, Cam…your dad needs to know." "How would you know? I can't even begin to describe to you the situation I'm in."

"But that doesn't mean I don't know the state it's in," the red ranger went on. "How could you even consider keeping this a secret? Your dad cares about you. Don't you know that? I don't know how this whole thing got started, but I don't want to see you like this ever! I care for you, Cam. I always will. But right now, I think you need family."

Cam considered everything Shane said for a few minutes. He couldn't help but let a part of himself believe some of it. In all honesty, he really did want to tell him. But there was no way he could go on if he heard what he thought about his dad was true. 'I can't tell him. He's going to hate me. What kind of father would love somebody like me? I don't deserve him, not anymore than I deserve you.'

Cam was near tears, and he hated how much he did. He hated being weak. He hated feeling unloved. He hated feeling lonely. Basically, he hated feeling anything at all. Yes, he would like to know what it's like to be loved and cared for. But you know what people say, "Once you know true pleasure, you'll know true pain." He never wanted to feel that, although he was doing a pretty good job at it so far.

"Cam, are you listening to me?"

A couple of minutes went by, all spent in uncomfortable silence. "Yes, I was. Don't worry. You're right. I don't like it that much, but you are correct. I need family, more than you could know. I need and want that more than anything right now. But you don't understand. The reason that I want one is because I never had one to begin with.

"What do you mean you don't have one? You have your friends and your dad. You can always come to us. We're always looking out for you. That's what a family does."

Cam responded, "If you knew how I felt, you would know the truth." "What truth are you speaking of, Cam?" "That nobody cares about me. You all think I'm trash!"

Shane just stood there in awe at what his friend just said. Was that really how he felt? "Cam, I…"

"Oh, I'm sorry Shane." "Cam…" "Listen, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I know it's not your fault."

"BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT EITHER, CAM! Whatever caused you to do this, I know it's not your fault. You know that, right? You knew that the gang and I care about you, right?"

"Listen, Shane. I'll tell my dad eventually. I know that I must. But, I just can't right now, nor can I tell anybody else either. I mean, with everything that's happened today, I just need time to think."

"That's great, but you didn't answer my other questions. Do you know that you have people that care for you? I don't know how you got to thinking like this, but people do worry about you. We're concerned about how much you might be hurting. Me, Dustin, Tori, the Thunders, and your dad all are your family. We can help you through this. Just let us."

Cam was now starting to lose control of himself. He so wanted to believe everything he was saying, but for some reason, he couldn't let it in. "I need to go. I need to set things straight with my dad." With sadness and despair, he depressingly walked in the direction backto Ops to confront his dad, leaving the leader of the winds there, who for the first time, didn't know what to do.

As Shane started to walk away, obviously looking for a place to meditate and get his head cleared, he didn't notice Blake and Hunter come from behind a tree. They had listened to the entire conversation. There was no way they could help it.

The two brothers didn't say anything for awhile. Hunter looked like he was going to burst pretty soon, and Blake looked like he was scared that his brother would. 'God Cam, what's going on? Why are you acting this way? I want our Cam back, the sarcastic one, the funny one, the take charge one. This one doesn't suit me at all. Where did you go, Cam?' As soon as Blake finished that last thought, his brother finally burst.

"Blake, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Hunter, calm down." "I will not calm down! I knew there was something wrong with Cam. Didn't you hear? I also know that there not including us in this."

Blake continued to try his best to console his brother. "Look, we still have no idea what's going on here."

"There's no excuse to not telling us." "TELLING US WHAT? That something's wrong with him. Practically everyone knew that now." "Obviously, Shane knows what's going on."

"The only thing we know for sure is that Cam feels isolated. Did you hear what he said? That he has no family. How could he think like that?"

Hunter pondered through the answers he came up, but each one seemed highly unlikely to happen. "I need to talk to Cam about this."

"NO, YOU WILL NOT!"

"I NEED TO! HE COULD BE IN DANGER!"

"HUNTER, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!" Not really wanting to listen to his brother, but obviously not having any choice, he surrendered. "Look, no one knows you more than me. You would go to Cam, force him to tell you, keep your eye on him 24/7, and tell all of the gang about it." "THAT'S BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT HIM."

"I know you do, Hunter. Hell, ever since you joined the team, you treat him like the younger brother, and he's older than you."

"I know. I don't quite get it, but there's something about him that makes you want to protect him all the time. He may be a good fighter, but there's this certain vulnerability that always surrounds him. Sometimes, I wish we could adopt him as a brother. It's not just me. Practically the whole team thinks of Cam as a person who needs to have people near him all the time, even if he says he's an introvert."

Blake stood there, quite surprised as to how he could miss something like that. "I see that now. I appreciate you and the others for caring so much. However, it looks like the last thing Cam needs to hear is that he's vulnerable."

Hunter turned around in anger, knowing that there wasn't much they can do right now. "All you can do is to make sure Cam is comfortable and alright. You can check up on him, Hunter, just not all the time or he might get suspicious. Remember, he doesn't want others to know yet, whatever 'this' is. So, can you promise me you won't do anything drastic?"

Hunter tightened up in frustration, and with one punch in the air, finally said, "Oh, alright. It looks like I have no choice. God, I just can't stop worrying about him."

Blake put his right hand on his shoulder and whispered to him, "Me too."

With one last understanding look at each other, Blake and Hunter headed towards Ops to talk to Shane and to check up on Cam. "Don't worry, bro. I'm pretty sure that whatever is going on, it'll get better soon.

While passing by a far away tree, not even noticing Cam forcing himself to vomit, they didn't realize how much worse it was going to get.

A/N: I know, short chapter. It doesn't look at will get to anything else though. Anyways, I still hope you read and review. Before I go, **THERE'S ONE MORE THING**. I finally figured out how my instant messenger on msn works. Now, I'm starting to gather friends over it to add to my instant messaging list. Anyways, when you review, tell me if I can add any of you guys too it. I'm just one of those people who has to have permission so he doesn't feel like barging in. Anyways, have a nice life wherever you are, and STAYED TUNE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF **ORDEALS OF LIFE. **Sorry, I couldn't resist.


	16. Who's Fault?

A/N: Well, this update is rather quick. Oh well, all of you are probably going to love me for it. There's not really much I can talk about here. Might as well start. Actually, there is something else. Oh hell, I'll tell you in the author's note at the end of the chapter. Let's move on.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Sixteen: Who's Fault?

Cam slowly moved from the tree he was just at down in the direction of Ninja Ops. If you looked at him for just a second, you could tell that he was dreading going over there. Right now, that was too close to the truth to be comforting. As the wind began to blow a little stronger, Cam went to close up his sweater. 'That's weird. I'm usually not this cold.' Even with a sleeping shirt, a tee-shirt, a sweater, long pants, and wool socks, he still felt like a freezer. Feeling like that in California wasn't very common.

And it wasn't just the temperature. A lot of things have been happening to him. First off, was his sleep. No matter how quiet his room was or how early Cam went to bed, he just _could not _get to sleep. He didn't know why. And it seemed that as each day passed, the worse his insomnia became. The samurai could only imagine how big the bags under his eyes must be. He must have looked utterly disgusting. 'As if I didn't already look it.'

There he went again, criticizing himself in every way possible. He guessed that he did it because it was a way of reminding himself that he wasn't like the others. Every time he felt a ray of hope, a chance at bonding with the rangers, he always had to insult himself to snap him back into his painful reality. That reality said that he was meant to be alone. No family, no friends, not even a lover. All of these things were just too good for him. He didn't deserve any of it. The only thing he did deserve was the pain that only his blade and hunger could bring. The pain that still made him feel alive.

Another thing happening to him was his skin. Usually, it always was a natural Asian tan. Cam had to admit, his healthy looking skin was something that he used to be very proud of. But now, when he looked down, he could notice that he started to turn very pale. Also, there was a yellowish tinge around his wrists and hands. That he didn't notice however, because the cuts on his wrists usually got all of his undivided attention.

The former energetic ranger also started to feel weak and old. Just getting out of a chair or out of bed took up most of his energy. A couple of times, he nearly fainted just getting out of bed. This worried him, and he didn't want to do anything else other than ask the others for help. 'Why should I ask for help? It's not like they would care. They've got each other. Why would they need a rock like myself dragging them down?'

Finally, there was one final consequence. However, this one was to be expected. This was his weight. Cam was always slim to begin with. That was just how he was. Now, he wasn't just slim. He was scrawny. His stomach decreased a lot of inches. His legs didn't look like the toned ones he had from fighting and running. 'I must have lost 18 pounds, tops.' Though normal people would have been worried, he started to appreciate himself for it. He thought that the more weight he lost, the more the sense of control within him grew. Cam decided a long time ago that he would continue to keep going. To prove that he wasn't losing everything around him, he would keep going, and going, and going, until his weight reached **zero.**

This _comfort_ was only temporary as Cam realized that he was no more than a few feet from the main entrance leading to Ninja Ops. Each step that he took, his heart dropped lower, and lower, and lower. He knew he couldn't escape. 'Alright, I can't runaway now. How I wish I could. I hope this is over soon.' And with a final breath, he started the descent towards his father.

* * *

Sensei Watanabe couldn't do anything other than pace. What was Shane going to tell him? What was the emergency that he and Cam took off to handle? Just what the hell was going on with his son? He hated asking these questions, just as much as he hated not knowing the answers to them. 

"When did all of this happen?" That was the main thing that he wanted answer. Besides the occasional teenage gloom or defiance from his son, everything was okay. Well, as okay as anything could get. Ever since the passing away of Miko, his wife and Cam's mother, nothing had ever been the same.

Sensei didn't really plan on any of this to happen, it just sort of did. He could specifically remember the months afterward. Just as much as he could remember her.

* * *

Mr. Watanabe, a little younger and less wiser than ours, sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The funeral for her had been almost ½ year ago. However, her face, her eyes, her skin, her hair, and her beauty were all burnt into his mind. He didn't even complain about it. It was his fault for wanting to remember everything. 

He wondered to the previous events that happened. After Miko's death, everyone at the academy started to acknowledge him and all the abilities and effort he put into the training of this facility. Though they said that his originality, he knew it was pity. 'Why don't they just tell the truth to my face? I'm not broken. I'm not.'

But deep down, he was. He had never thought that there could be a way to feel so horrible like he did right now. Mr. Watanabe never expected her passing to be like this. However, I guess it was only natural for it. Miko was the love of his life.

He briefly smiled at the thought of their first date. The usually cool, calm, and collective leader trying to get the word "hello" out of his mouth before she thought he was a total idiot and ended it then and there. Oh, he had fallen for her so badly since the first time he saw her. Before, he thought that there was no such thing as "love at first sight." How wrong he had been.

Mr. Watanabe turned around to the other side of the bed to face the window. His gaze fell upon the night sky. Even then, he was reminded of her. Of every little beauty he saw on this earth, he would remember Miko, and how her beauty couldn't even be compared to it.

As he continued to stare, distinct voices started to feel his head. From the very first word, he could picture the setting. A beautiful, crystal blue lake with blooming flowers surrounding the banks came to mind. Tall trees with grown fruit hanging on the branches, occasionally falling into the green grass covered with dew. Birds flying overhead, singing songs of compassion and love, landing on the ground as a clear sky with a bright sun cast a certain kind of uniqueness and beauty to everything. Under the biggest tree, there was a huge, red blanket and a picnic basket in the middle. On either side, there was a young man and woman in summer clothes, eating their sandwiches and desserts. Through this whole affair, they couldn't take their eyes off of one another.

"This is the sweetest thing that you have done for me. I just can't imagine that the big guy at this school is going all mushy and romantic on me. You should do that more often. It suits you."

He couldn't help but blush at that. "Those are all great comments. However, there's one more thing I would like to do."

"Mmm. Two surprises? I'll have to repay you sometime."

"Don't worry, you will."

"Yeah, I will…hey, that's not how it's supposed to go."

"Let's forget that. Come on. Put on this blindfold." "Excuse me? Just why would I need a blindfold? I'm not doing anything kinky." She laughed out loud that that.

"You're no fun." At this, she looked shocked. Kanoi couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry. Nothing like that. I still can't tell you though."

"Why not?" she asked, now starting to pout. "Because then, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" "I could pretend it was."

"Baby, why don't you just put it on?" Cautiously, Miko put the blindfold around her eyes. Within a couple of seconds, she was swinging her arms around, scared she might hit something.

He took her by the shoulders very gently, and soon led her around the trees. Then, they went through the thick forest where there was hardly any sun. She could tell by the lack of heat she suddenly experienced. "Where exactly are you taking me, Kanoi?

"Can't tell you. You know that." "Fine! Keep secrets from your one and onlytrue love."

"Hey, I'm quite the ladies' man. I could get anyone I want."

"Yeah, but I'm the only girl that has made you blush. Don't you dare say you haven't, because I've noticed."

Kanoi Watanabe couldn't help but blush furiously at those words, those so true words.

After about 10 minutes, they came to a halt. "Are we there yet?" asked Miko, pouting like a baby would.

"Yes, you can take off the blindfold now."

Relief spreading over her, she untied the back and slowly pulled it off. Once her eyes were uncovered, she just stopped breathing. They were under another big tree. This time, there was a dark blue blanket that seemed to somehow blend with the surroundings underneath. No picnic basket, though. On the blanket, there was two very tall wine glasses, neatly and perfectly standing beside each other. In between the glasses, there was a big bottle of the finest champagne you could buy.

And right at the center of the blanket, there was a circular, delicious-looking chocolate cake. And the words on top were made with red icing. It said, "Kanoi and Miko: Together Forever."

Being a very emotional person, Miko couldn't help but have tears in her eyes. She slowly turned around and faced the booming smile of her soul mate. "You did all this…for me?"

"Of course, you dope. You're not the only one that knows we're meant to be together. Honestly, I did this because you deserve it. I love that gorgeous smile on your face." He said this as he started caressing her right cheek with his left hand. "Hope you don't have a problem with more dessert."

"OF COURSE I DON'T! There's always more room for dessert."

As she was sitting down, she noticed Kanoi could a little distance away and seemed to be getting something hidden behind a tree. "Hey, aren't you going to help me with this cake?"

"Of course, sweetheart." He started to come closer. "You see, my mom and dad both said that champagne should be drunk only on very special occasions."

Miko became confused at this. "Are you saying that this cake, the champagne, the picnic, and the romantic things you say aren't very special?"

"No, they are. But I want to make sure that this moment is unforgettable." "How do you propose on doing that? What did you get from the tree?"

As he sat down next to his love on the warm blanket, he finally revealed what he had been hiding. It was a small, blue, velvet box. 'Hey, that's the kind people put wedding rings in…Oh my god.'

Kanoi slowly opened up the box to reveal a gold ring with a heart-shaped diamond on top, sparkling from the sun's rays. "Kanoi, are you…?" She couldn't speak. She was in shock with the ring and the whole situation.

"Yes, I am." He slowly stood up, holding on to his angel's hand, bringing her up too. He carefully took both of her hands, leaving the box and ring on the ground. "Miko, when I first saw you, I knew you were the one for me. I know that I'm not perfect. I'm know where near as perfect as you."

"Kanoi…" "Let me speak, love. When I first saw you, I couldn't describe the feeling I got. You made me feel so complete. Just being in your presence made me feel weak and giddy. I knew that you were my soul mate. I want to spend my whole life with you. Kissing you, holding you, loving you, waking up to you. I want to do that for the rest of my life."

Miko was in complete tears, occasionally hiccupping trying to hold her cries back. She caressed his cheek. "Oh Kanoi…"

He got down on one knee and picked up the box with his right hand. Holding it in the direction of the woman of his dreams, he took out the ring and took her hand. As he slowly put the ring on, he whispered very quietly, staring up into her enchanting eyes, "Will you marry me?"

Miko didn't even need to think. "Yes, yes, yes. I want to be with you forever, love. I will marry you." The cries she was holding back she just let go. As they both embraced each other, they could feel each other's hearts beating in unison, representing their uniting. They didn't know what was going to happen then, but they knew they would face it together.

* * *

Sensei couldn't help but smile at the very thought. The days seem to pass by rather quickly. The day of the wedding ceremony, the night they first made love, the morning where they found out Miko was pregnant, the 9 month period of waiting for their creation to come, the day when Cam was brought to this world. That was one of the happiest days of his life. 

Then, Sensei's smile went away. 'It's not fair that she had to go. She left me and Cam here. Ever since she passed away, Cam's never been the same. He had to grow up so fast.'

That was true. Cam was forced to become an adult at a very young age. He no longer smiled, he no longer went out, and he no longer was happy. That part was a guess, but it might as well have been set in stone.

"Dad?" Cam entered the room from the stairs.

'Thank god he isalright.' "What was the emergency?"

'Damn. Didn't think about that.' As he started walking towards his room, he started talking. "There were Kelzacks nearby. Me and Shane took care of them."

Sensei didn't quite believe it. "What were they doing?" "Usual Lothor taunting." Cam neared the hallway leading to his room. "Where's Shane?"

"He decided to go home. Was really exhausted."

"Is he alright?"

"He is, he can handle those goons."

Not wanting to speak to his dad anymore, he quickly ran into his room and closed the door.

"Wait." Too late. God, why didn't he ask when he came in. Now, he probably would never get the courage to ask Cam.

Thing was, there was a good chance that he didn't ask purposefully. If he asked, he could get an answer, and then he would know something was wrong. 'Maybe, if I think hard enough, this will go away. Whatever this is, it will all go away.' A few minutes passed. Then, he lost control.

Immediately, he started to beat himself up. "God, it's probably my fault. How can I be so stupid? I should have asked him the moment I knew something was wrong. I had to stick behind while the whole team did the work. HE'S MY SON! I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP!"

He did his best to calm himself down, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. His brain was working overtime, and his mouth was running with it. Well, as much of a mouth could, it being the one of a guinea pig.

"What happened to my son? This isn't him. I want the one I had back. I want the one who used to laugh, used to smile, used to play jokes, and used to go out into the world." He couldn't help but start to sound choked up. "I need him back. He's all I have. What happened to Cam? Where is he?" That was his last thought before sorrow overtook him.

* * *

'God, I shouldn't have done that. Now he'll start to get suspicious. The last thing I need right now is someone else on my back.' 

Cam stood in his room for a few minutes, pondering over what to do. He wanted to go out back to his dad and talk things through with him. 'I've been such a bastard lately. I don't want people to think of me like that. I want them to love me. I want to know what that's like. It's not so much to ask.'

He made his decision. He turned around and went through the doorway out into the hallway. Cam walked down it and was about to enter when he heard his dad's voice.

"God, it's probably my fault. How can I be so stupid? I should have asked him the moment I knew something was wrong. I had to stick behind while the whole team did the work. HE'S MY SON! I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP!"

'What? What's his fault? What…oh no, he knows. Oh dad, why are you blaming yourself for this? It's my fault. Everything is my fault. How could you not know that?'

Cam slid down to the floor and tried to think and listen at the same time. 'The whole team did your work? Fuck, I hope that they don't know about what I'm doing. If they reject me or hate me, I'll kill myself.' He scared himself when he knew he said it with absolute certainty.

"What happened to my son?" This immediately brought his heart down. 'I'm sorry, Dad. I know I'm a disappointment.

"This isn't him. I want the one I had back." 'Oh dad, I didn't even know I was a son to you. How could you call somebody like me family?' Wasn't Cam supposed to feel happy? I mean, he got what he wanted. His father didn't hate him. In fact, it sounded like he was all choked up for him. However, instead of feeling any sign of relief, he just felt guilt. Guilt over the hell he was putting everyone in. 'Why can't you all see that you'll get hurt if you're near me?'

"I want the one who used to laugh, used to smile, used to play jokes, and used to go out into the world." This surprised Cam. 'God, I can't even remember doing anything like that.' He put his back against the wall and through his emotion, he tried very hard to remember the happy times. But, he couldn't. How could he? How could someone so sad remember something so happy? Trying to fight back the tears, he continued to listen.

"I need him back. He's all I have. What happened to Cam? Where is he?" This became too much for Cam to handle. Hiccups starting to come through, he slowly stood up and depressingly gaited back into his room. Closing the door behind him, all he could do was run onto his bed, pull the covers over him, and cry his eyes out.

"Oh god, look what I've done. Look what I put everyone through. I don't deserve any of them. I don't deserve anyone. Not even my Dad recognizes me anymore. He wants my old self back, an apparent happy self."

This just made him cry harder, and he started to thrash around. 'I want to be my former self. I want everything to be alright. I want to make everyone proud of me. I want to make my dad happy. But I can't. I can't be happy now because…because…I don't…I don't remember how…I DON'T REMEMBER HOW!"

He finally went still, wishing, now more than ever, that he was dead. On the outside, Cam would scream, "SO WHAT! IT'S NOT LIKE HE'LL MISS ME MUCH! HE CARES ABOUT THE TEAM! NOT ME!"

But on the inside, he couldn't help but cry, "Why are you looking for me, Dad? I'm right here."

Exhaustion took him over and he fell asleep, saying over and over again, "I'm right here."

A/N: I hope that this chapter length is okay for all of you. Writing this one made me want to cry, something that I haven't done in a long time. I always felt this way. I always felt like my parents didn't care, or I felt guilty that they had to put up with me. But, the worst is over. Enough emotion. **I got to ask you something.** I pretty much know that you guys love slash. Well, after a few yeses, I am seriously considering putting a Hunter/Cam thing into this. I have no problem with it. In fact, out of everyone, I think Hunter is the only one that deserves to be with Cam in that way. So, in your reviews, tell me if it's okay.


	17. Needing Comfort

A/N: Hey, it's Tyrant once again. Listen, I'm sorry that I couldn't update any faster. It seems like I'm the only one that is slow on this site. Anyways, I'm here now, and that's what counts. I am right, aren't I? Well, I want to get on to the chapter straight away, but I need to settle an issue first. The debate is over whether to include a Hunter/Cam thing in this story. Well, I'm kind of confused. First off, the majority of you want to see it and I don't want to disappoint you, and I truly think that a romance would be great. However, I agree that I don't think that Cam can handle such a romantic relationship with anyone in this state. He can't even handle himself right now. I've decided to make a sequel to this on Hunter's feelings so that the people who don't want this will still be satisfied with this story. It will be in the sequel, IF Cam is well enough. With everything he's about to face, he might never be well again. Sorry, just to keep you on the edge of your seats. Also, I'll put a little a little of Hunter's thoughts into the story. IT CAN BE INTERPRETED AS EITHER A ROMANTIC FEELING OR A CLOSE FRIEND/FAMILY FEELING. GOT IT! It can go either way.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Seventeen: Needing Comfort

"GOD, I HATE THIS BLAKE!"

He and his brother, Hunter, entered the portal that led to the secret area of the Wind Ninja Academy. After eavesdropping on the conversation between Shane and Cam, they couldn't help but go to Ninja Ops to check on their friend and 'family member'. Nervousness began to overwhelm their beings. They hated not knowing what the hell was going on. Though it appeared as if people were starting to know the status of the problem and were trying to help their dear samurai, they hated the fact that they weren't one of them.

"Hunter, you've been repeating that phrase ever since we started over here. Now, can you please just calm down?" He knew this was better said than done, since he was feeling as angered, nervous, and utterly confused as his older sibling was.

"That's easier said than done," he replied to Blake, not knowing how very similar his brother thought. "Damn it, I just hate being left out this. I want to know what's going on with Cam!" His walking pace was going near to jogging as he realized how closer they were coming towards the steps.

"Join the club, bro," Blake said, now starting to get pissed off at his brother's current rambling. "I care about him, too. It's not just you. You think I'm happy not knowing what's going on, and therefore, not being able to help as much as I want to? I don't know why he needs help in the first place. All I know is that I won't be able to assist Cam if I'm so angry and shocked about this."

Hunter stopped right before the steps of the main entrance, thus stopping his younger brother, too. They stood outside for what seemed like a century, not knowing what they could or should do. It seemed like the fact that there was something wrong finally sunk in to their skin. And knowing that people didn't want them to know made them so pissed off. What made them so special for them to know? How come Cam wanted whatever this was a secret? What could they do?

"Blake, I'm sorry if I annoyed you in any way. I didn't mean too."

"Being your sibling, I think I've gotten used to it by now," he joked, hoping to lighten the atmosphere in some way. However, that so familiar sulking look did not alter in the slightest. 'Man, I've never seen him act this concerned about another living person, besides me. I had no idea how close he is to him.'

"I just can't stop rambling on. I need to. If I don't, I think I'll do something crazy. I just can't stand it! Watching him slowly going away, both physically and probably mentally, is the most painful thing I've ever gone through. Don't you see, he's my family. I need him."

Blake, shocked at how emotional his usually brooding brother was being, grabbed him in to a bone-crushing hug. "I hate this, too. Out of all the people on the team, Cam felt like the person you could trust with anything. He just has that aura about him. I don't know why, but it would hurt the most if Cam was harmed in any way. It's something I can't explain."

At this, Hunter couldn't help but smile. Still in the hug, he started on. "Thank god, I though I was the only one." Blake lifted his head and stared curiously at him. "I feel exact the same way. For some reason, I would wish for Cam to be alright. It's weird. However, the best thing about this feeling is that it doesn't need an explanation, not when you have friends."

Both smiling, they finally let go of each other, took a deep breath, and started down the steps. For one reason or another, it looked like the passage started to become longer and harder to go down. It was probably the fact that their deeply hurting friend was down there. On one brief second, they're thinking of turning around. They didn't want to feel like they were barging in on business that wasn't their own. However, that soon fell away.

When the crimsons reached the bottom, they saw Sensei Watanabe mindlessly walking in circles. It seemed that he was in deep thought. Normally, a person would find this hilarious looking for a guinea pig, but to the rangers, it was normal as waking up during the day. The only thing out of place was the face. The muscles that any animal usually holds up were dropped down. It was as if Sensei was so depressed, he lost the will to do anything.

"Sensei, have you seen Cam?" Hunter asked, concerned for the little animal. He continued to walk, not even acknowledging the presence of the other two people in the room.

"Sensei, where's Cam?" Blake asked for Hunter. Even then, their father figure continued to be lost in thought.

"Mr. Watanabe?" Hunter continued on. "Are you alright?" This seemed to do the trick as he jumped in the air out of shock. "Oh-hello Blake-Hunter-what're you doing here?"

"Well, we both asked you where Cam is, do you know?" At the mention of Cam, their master seemed to all of a sudden change. His head fell down as his gaze went to the floor, and his usual lively self disappeared, his poster slouching being evidence.

"Yeah, I know. He arrived a few minutes ago. He's in his bedroom."

Though being concerned for what was wrong with Sensei, Hunter immediately went in the direction towards the bedroom, concerned for Cam. "Sensei, are you okay?"

Again, he seemed to have forgotten Blake being there as he started to think again. "Sensei?" For the second time, he was startled out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking. What were you asking?" For any other person, just thinking was normal. However, this was Sensei. It wasn't what he usually did.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course, Blake. Why do you ask?"

Not knowing how to go about it, and not knowing what would cause Sensei to act this way, all he could say was, "Oh, nothing. I was just wondering how you were feeling." Mr. Watanabe looked skeptical at his response, but with how he was feeling, he decided not to press the issue further. "Don't worry, I'm fine. Why do you need to see Cam?"

That seemed to put Blake off guard. He never thought about his father not knowing what was going on. Should he talk to him about what he overheard between Shane and his son, or should he just not tell him until he knew more? 'Why worry him now. I don't even know what to worry about. I hate to be in his shoes when he finds out. Then again, I'd hate to be in my shoes when I find out."

"Blake?" God, now he was starting to drift off. "Oh, sorry. We just wanted to hang out with him for today. He needs to get out more often."

"God, you don't know how true that is. Hope you three have a good time." Still worrying over how he was doing, Blake soon followed his brother towards the bedroom. He was so quick to get to his destination, he didn't even hear Sensei muttering behind him, "I hope you guys can help him, because I'm not so sure I can."

Finding the door open, Blake decided to walk in, knowing that his brother was in there. As he entered, he saw Hunter sit on the edge of bed looking at Cam.

It appeared that he fell off into a fitful sleep. The bed pillows were all lying on the floor surrounding him, appearing to have been violently tossed. The bedcovers and sheets were all wrinkled and wrapped around the samurai, as if he was rolling around from a nightmare.

As Blake moved closer to the bed, he noticed something that brought his heart down. As he looked at Cam's face, which looked small because of the size of the bed and covers over the rest of his body, he could see the wet eyes and tear trails running down his face. This was a scene that could make the happiest person in the world depressed.

"Hunter, look," Blake said in a whisper, not wanting to wake Cam up, who looked so peaceful now. Hunter came up behind him, and soon saw the sad spectacle. "See, Blake. This is want I'm talking about. I hate seeing him like this. You know, this is the first I've seen him cry. And now that I have, it just doesn't seem real. I mean, he's not one to be sad."

"I know what you mean. That is exactly how I felt when I first saw Cam cry at the picnic." At this, the crimson ranger seemed taken aback. "We were all there. Remember, we went into the forest. It was the day when you attacked Dustin for starting the whole water fight."

"I know that! I just didn't know that Cam cried then. Did you know why?" "If I knew, I wouldn't be wondering what the problem was, would I?"

"God, I can't believe it. Why didn't he say what was bothering him. Doesn't he trust us? What did we do for him not to count on us?"

Blake briefly thought of everything that his older brother said. What did they do to make Cam not trust them now? "Actually, he was going to tell me what was going with him. However, Dustin interrupted when you guys were chasing after him. After that, he acted as if the incident never happened."

"Oh god, I don't believe it. I helped shut Cam up. It's probably my fault he's like this. I'm so sorry, Blake."

"Hey, stop beating yourself up. It can't be changed now, and you didn't know what was going on." After a few minutes of silence, the decided to get Cam more comfortable. Blake started to untangle the sheers around the ranger. Once that was done, Hunter gently lifted him up a few inches and placed him down so that he was lying on his back.

They looked down at him and saw what Cam was wearing. 'Why is he wearing a sweater during this time?' they both thought in unison. Making sure he didn't get to hot, Blake started to unzip his sweater while Hunter took off his shoes. As he did this, he continued to silently think. 'What's going on with you, Cam? You have to tell us, soon. If you don't, there's no way we can truly help you. And I want to help you so much.'

When Blake finished unzipping his sweater, he slowly lifted him up by his shoulders so it could slide off. He set it aside at the same time Hunter pulled the covers over him. "Come on, Blake. Let him sleep. He really needs the rest. Besides, I need to think of a way to talk to Shane."

As he left, Blake stood behind and stared at their fellow teammate for a few seconds. He gently touched his forehead and laid it there for a while softly saying, "I hope you tell us soon. I don't want to see you like this." After wiping away the wet trails on the sides of his face, he left and went after his brother.

He didn't even know that if Hunter didn't pull those covers over him, he would have seen Cam's wrists.

And Cam didn't know that if he waited just a little longer to fall asleep, he could have heard how much people cared for him.

* * *

"Dustin, wait up!" Kelly called out after him. Carefully wiping the tears she had shed, she finally caught up. "Dustin, do you think that you can bring Cam over tomorrow instead of next Friday? I think we ought to put our counseling into effect."

This shocked Dustin. He knew he wanted to talk to him, but to make him come over on the very next day didn't seem like a good idea. "Kelly, are you sure about this. I mean, his secret just got spilled today. He's probably sulking right now. I don't think he's fit."

"I've been thinking that too. However, the sooner we start on helping him, the better off he'll be. Please, Dustin. I need to do this. I know what it's like going through what he's going through. You feel all empty inside, isolated, cold, sad, angry, and confused all at once. It's the worst feeling in the world. I can't go through the day knowing what he's feeling. I don't want to seem him make the same mistakes. Please." Kelly looked ready to cry, again.

Dustin looked over Kelly and immediately gave in. After all, he didn't want to seem Cam like this anymore. He nearly cried when he heard the news. He figured, the sooner he becomes better, the sooner everything would go back to normal. "Alright, but I know he's not going to like this. I want to come with him, and I think Shane does too. He needs comfort now, and I want to help give him some. Would it be okay if I stayed then?"

"Of course. You can come to every session, if you want. I think Cam needs to be surrounded by people who love him. He needs to realize that people do care." As Kelly started walking back, she calmly said, "If he doesn't find out soon, we might never get him back." Leaving that as a warning, she walked and entered Storm Chargers.

Now fully determined, Dustin strode off, preparing a way to get Cam to come tomorrow. To help keep his determination up, he repeated in his head, "The sooner he's better, the sooner we'll be back to normal."

But he couldn't help himself from thinking, "How long will it be when things get back to normal?"

But probably more importantly, "Will things get better at all?"

A/N: You know the drill, read and review. Hope you liked the chapter.

Jeremy


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